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    EVASIVE AQUARIUS...

    Go Back  The Oracle of Bitter Truth for December 2001    Go Forward
    Ho to the fatuous airheads, the jewel in the crown of the odious air signs! And how are your new Swedish friends from last month’s sea rescue, Lars, Per, Olaf, Bjorn, Benny, Anna-Frid and, of course, Agnetha? Do you all get together at night over pint of rum and sing jolly sings of the sea? If you do, I would suggest the experience has begun to pale somewhat as the true sense of your fate as an unwilling conscript in the Merchant Navy of Sweden begins to sink in. Such constriction does not exactly lend itself to the freedom of action for which your fatuous sign is justly famous, does it?

    The FULL MOON in hideous Gemini launches you into the month of deleterious December. Thus, you find your new shipboard home has wrenched you from the pursuit of your plans and your network of friends. But, as you had no plans and your friends haven’t actually noticed that you’re gone, perhaps such things are less important than they seem. And, more importantly, things are not, perhaps, what they seem on board ship either.

    As Mercury the messenger and the great Sol Invicti meet and conjoin with underworld Pluto, there are starling revelations from the Swedish cohorts. Having taken you to their collective bosom, an ample one given some of the individual contributions, they confide in you as to their secret mission and purpose. Disguised as humble members of the Swedish Merchant Navy, this jolly group is in fact a band of latterday Vikings, roaming the seas in search of adventure and plunder. Their mission is to steal sufficient funds to restore Sweden to its former glory as one of the great naval powers of the world.

    As mighty Mars moves into Pisces and your solar second house and Venus the goddess opposes sober Saturn, they offer you a share of the plunder and honorary citizenship of Sweden if you will join them on their wild adventures. When you ask if there are any requirements to be fulfilled, they tell you that you will simply have to learn the harmonies from the songs on Abba Gold and master the art of playing the top spin lob in tennis. And, as Chiron the wounded healer moves into Capricorn and your solar twelfth house, you have a vision of yourself and all your new friends sailing together in a long ship many lifetimes ago. Thus, you decide it’s all a karmic matter and agree to join.

    As the NEW MOON comes in Sagittarius, bringing with it a solar eclipse, you put aside all past concerns to become the latest member of the band known as Viking Glory (the Swedes like very simple, traditional names). As a raft of planetary bodies moves into Capricorn and your solar twelfth house, Viking Glory sets out on a secret mission, a raid on a floating chicken and hemp farm off the north east coast of Africa. This has nothing to do with the national glory of Sweden though. It’s just that Lars has a liking for getting stoned and eating roast chicken and Lars is also the leader of Viking Glory. But, nonetheless, the die is cast, little airheads.

    As mighty Mars makes cosmic mayhem with underworld Pluto, the ship readies for a raid on the hapless chicken farm. But what’s this? The farm is not so hapless after all. As you near your target, there’s shooting and shouting and all manner of carry on. Great Heavens, little airheads! This is much more dangerous than the top spin lob? What will you do? Dive into the icy waves to escape this detestable violence? Or will you bare your teeth and charge into the frey, a committed and bloodthirsty Viking, singing the chorus from Mama Mia? Next month will reveal all, little air sign tragedies. Farewell until then!


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    Aries, the Ram
    Aries, the Ram

    Taurus, the Bull
    Taurus, the Bull

    Gemini, the Twins
    Gemini, the Twins

    Cancer, the Crab
    Cancer, the Crab

    Leo, the Lion
    Leo, the Lion

    Virgo, the Virgin
    Virgo, the Virgin

    Libra, the Scales
    Libra, the Scales

    Scorpio, the Scorpion
    Scorpio, the Scorpion

    Sagittarius, the Archer
    Sagittarius, the Archer

    Capricorn, the Sea Goat
    Capricorn, the Sea Goat

    Aquarius, the Water Bearer
    Aquarius, the Water Bearer

    Pisces, the Fishes
    Pisces, the Fishes

     
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