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    CRABBY CANCER...

    Go Back  The Oracle of Bitter Truth for April 2002    Go Forward
    Great Heavens, little rabid crustaceans! It's that time of the month again. As the clockwork universe of the insane gods turns its hour hand to the clatter and clang of inevitable doom, so does the past return to haunt you with monotonous regularity and thus become your future. I am the voice of your past, little crabs, and that of your future! Depressing, isn't it! Oh well! There are worse things, though I must say I can't think of what they may be at the moment. On with the monthly business! Flow the vile and bitter prognostications!

    As Lady Moon turns the tide of the oceans of the world, so does she turn the tide of the sea of your inner cosmology! And, speaking of the inner cosmological seas (as I often do), how are the perilous climes of your lives? And how is your parlous state of health? Has there been any improvement? Last month's adventures were testing indeed, were they not, little neurotics of the hard shell? You have stood on the brink of eternal vision and on the very rim of the void in the quest to find a faint strain of meaning among the trials and trammels of your futile existence. And what good has it done you, little owners of the nasty nipper? None whatsoever in the estimation of the wise, or indeed in the estimation of the foolish, as your efforts are despised by those of both camps. Are you as bored as I am with this drivel? Then for gods' sake, let's get on with the vile and bitter prognostications!

    Awful April begins with giant Jupiter in your sign opposing Chiron the wounded healer in the sign of Capricorn and your solar seventh house of partnership. The great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger in Aries and your solar tenth house of profession and persons in authority then wreak havoc upon these two. Bosses, lovers, avowed friends and enemies, one and all, will doubtless be making your life a misery, that's if you're well enough to appreciate what's occurring since underworld Pluto in your solar sixth house and sober Saturn in your solar twelfth house are preparing to return to cosmic battle. Life's just one damned thing after another, isn't it, little nitwits of the nipper! The great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger then conjoin in Aries and your solar tenth house, causing the nerve specialist and surgeon who is tending to your welfare to fall out with his colleagues over the correct course of treatment for your condition. On the positive side, Venus the goddess is moving through Taurus and your solar eleventh house, ensuring that your dear friends (both of them) sit at your sickbed to comfort you. However as Venus then moves into tension with mystic Neptune, they begin an affair with one another and forget all about you. Mighty Mars clashes with revolutionary Uranus and the entire medical staff is now fighting in the mortuary over how to treat your condition.

    As the NEW MOON comes in Aries, you're transferred to an isolation ward to free up your bed for patients about whom the staff can agree on a course of treatment. Mighty Mars moves into Gemini and your solar twelfth house and your condition declines as your nervous system goes haywire. Mercury the messenger then moves into Taurus and your solar eleventh house, bringing to your bedside a dull but talkative individual from a charity organization. He believes it is incumbent upon him to sit at the bedside of the invalid and talk cheerfully. As Mercury the messenger then squares mystic Neptune, you ascend into consciousness for just long enough to anaesthetize him with your medication before returning to a blissful and drug besotted sleep. As Lady Moon conjoins with Jupiter in your own sign, opposing Chiron in Capricorn, the evil-smelling Black Tooth from your overseas adventures appears at your bedside. He or she (you're still not sure which) is accompanied by a surly individual. As the great Sol Invicti enters Taurus, the surly individual begins singing in an indeterminate accent as Black Tooth drums on your insensate body. As Venus the goddess squares revolutionary Uranus, Black Tooth commands you to take up your bed and walk. You decide to do so, largely because you don't feel that bad anymore and because the hospital is costing a fortune.

    Venus the goddess then moves into Gemini and your solar twelfth house as the FULL MOON in Scorpio approaches. You go back home, begin an affair with a neighbour or distant relative and sit worrying about the state of your finances, especially credit card debt. As Mercury the messenger clashes with revolutionary Uranus and moves into Gemini, you decide to write a book on your experiences as a channel and shamanic healer, hoping it will get you out of the financial mess you're in. Do click here next month and I'll let you know if the book's any good. Snigger!


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    Aries, the Ram
    Aries, the Ram

    Taurus, the Bull
    Taurus, the Bull

    Gemini, the Twins
    Gemini, the Twins

    Cancer, the Crab
    Cancer, the Crab

    Leo, the Lion
    Leo, the Lion

    Virgo, the Virgin
    Virgo, the Virgin

    Libra, the Scales
    Libra, the Scales

    Scorpio, the Scorpion
    Scorpio, the Scorpion

    Sagittarius, the Archer
    Sagittarius, the Archer

    Capricorn, the Sea Goat
    Capricorn, the Sea Goat

    Aquarius, the Water Bearer
    Aquarius, the Water Bearer

    Pisces, the Fishes
    Pisces, the Fishes

     
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