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    CRABBY CANCER...

    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of February 2003    Go Forward
    Greetings, quivering crustaceans! And how are you all, my little nitwits of the nipper? No, don't answer that! I have no desire to know. I only asked for form's sake! Now, as to the doings of fatuous February, I hereby prognosticate! A New Moon comes on the first day of the month in odious Aquarius and your solar eighth house. You will doubtless be starting a new venture by misusing funds from a family trust or consorting with eccentric women, transsexuals or people of indeterminate gender in houses of ill-repute. With both Mercury the messenger and Venus the goddess in Capricorn and your solar seventh house for a time, you will have meaningful discussions about responsibility and the importance of traditional values with your loved ones, a practice sickeningly common in your household.

    As mighty Mars conjoins with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar sixth house, you'll either have a health crisis or start a punch-up or a sexual liaison with a foreign co-worker. When the Full Moon comes in Leo as the great Sol Invicti conjoins with revolutionary Uranus, you'll find that overspending by or because of a female will cause you to make an unusual financial arrangement, probably with loan shark called Lars. As giant Jupiter opposes mystic Neptune at this time, you will most certainly misread the situation, make all the wrong decisions and end up with higher than usual stress levels. As Mercury the messenger, now in Aquarius, conjoins with mystic Neptune, you'll begin to hear the voices once again. You'll then consult a therapist, also called Lars. But, as mighty Mars opposes sober Saturn, you'll begin talking to yourself, decide that it's a highly effective form of therapy (especially as you only have to pay yourself) and thus go completely mad. But guess what, little crab-type things? You'll fit right into this benighted universe ruled by insane gods. And, when giant Jupiter moves into asinine Virgo later this year, you'll probably become very famous doing something terribly useful for a nit-picking gaggle of imbeciles (the human race) too stupid to know what's good for them.


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    Aries, the Ram
    Aries, the Ram

    Taurus, the Bull
    Taurus, the Bull

    Gemini, the Twins
    Gemini, the Twins

    Cancer, the Crab
    Cancer, the Crab

    Leo, the Lion
    Leo, the Lion

    Virgo, the Virgin
    Virgo, the Virgin

    Libra, the Scales
    Libra, the Scales

    Scorpio, the Scorpion
    Scorpio, the Scorpion

    Sagittarius, the Archer
    Sagittarius, the Archer

    Capricorn, the Sea Goat
    Capricorn, the Sea Goat

    Aquarius, the Water Bearer
    Aquarius, the Water Bearer

    Pisces, the Fishes
    Pisces, the Fishes

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