Asperitus Casting Runes...
Tally ho and yoicks, odious creatures of the air sign persuasion! Let us cast a casual glance into the crystal and reveal the cracks of future doom, waiting to sound in your lunatic ears! And what are these cracks and what doom is this, you might ask! The vile and bitter prognostications for 2004, I might say in reply!
With that load of drivel out of the way, let us proceed with the next load of drivel. Mischievous Mercury begins the year retrograde in lunatic Sagittarius and your solar seventh house. Partners and associates will spend their time arguing about religion and politics, piffling on incessantly about their university friends and nagging you because of your shallowness and superficiality. As a consequence of this, you decide to leave them and live overseas. With jolly Jupiter in idiot Virgo and your solar fourth house, you move to Paris.
With miserable Saturn in Cancer and your solar second house, the cost of the move is so high, you find you're broke when you get there and thus turn to prostitution to restore your fortunes. You change your name to Fou Fou or Jean Claude and fall in with actors, entertainers, journalist and other lower life forms that haunt the Rue de Nitwit (your favourite beat) after midnight. There, you solicit trade by doing impressions, something you carry off very well as you have no real personality of your own.
When jolly Jupiter enters Libra, you meet an impresario who invites you to come to Copenhagen and perform in his nightclub, doing impressions of Danny Kaye and other famous Jewish comedians including Billy Crystal and Jesus Christ. As the money's good, you quickly decide to trade one form of prostitution for another and thus you begin to flaunt your skills before an audience of drunken but perceptive Danes. No doubt much of this is due to the presence of idiot Uranus in Pisces and your solar tenth house of work and profession.
If you have any queries as to what happens next, kindly send them by post and include a hundred US dollars wrapped around a bottle of tranquilizers. No doubt, we'll speak again, little air sign nitwits. Until then!