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    LECHEROUS LIBRA...

    Go Back  The Oracle of Bitter Truth for March 2002    Go Forward
    Greetings to the decadent twits of the benighted Zodiac. How are your bottoms this month? Suitably covered with stylish fabric, as usual, I suspect! Because, of course, it is in this manner that you distract the idle viewer from the fact that your best feature may also contain your grey matter or, at least, what passes for grey matter in the odious world of the air sign.

    Now let me see if I can remember what you were doing last month? Oh dear, I can! I must make a note to have my prescription strength increased. Nevertheless, let me boldly return to the dreary events of your futile existence! It seems to me you were lying in your sickbed, preparing to fall in love with some ministering angel of a nurse. Your illness was initially feigned, a practice you often indulge in so as to avoid facing the grim realities of life such as making decisions and behaving like a normal person. But, as is typical of your doings, the line separating fact from fantasy often becomes blurred. Now, (or should I say 'some weeks ago' as this forecast is tiresomely late) you are ill in earnest. Thus, you see this Florence Nightingale with feverish eyes whilst your best feature lies (in its usual place) beneath your recumbent form, concealed from the view of a prospective bed mate (such as the nurse). But do not despair, little air sign nitwits! Perhaps there'll be injections, somewhere in the course of your treatment. You and I can only hope so, but for entirely different reasons of course. Mine is for your pain, yours merely vain!

    I seem to remember that you were having deathbed visions last month as well. Oh well! I can't be bothered expanding on that now. Let's get on with your love life instead. As a temporary bout of sanity, has delayed my efforts for some weeks, let me recount, in precis form, the events of miserable March. As giant Jupiter moved forward again in Cancer and your solar tenth house, professional persons gathered over your recumbent form to give authoritative opinions on the state of your health (and probably also the style and colour of those appalling pyjamas you're inclined to wear).

    With mighty Mars moving into Taurus and your solar tenth house, your semi-conscious body was probably racked with feverish lust while the rising cost of home medical services extinguished the last breath of life in your credit card. But, as Venus the goddess blazed in Aries and your solar seventh house, your desire for the ministering angel threw off the constraints of your semi-conscious state. You took her/him to your sickbed to make passionate love among the chills and fevers racking your body.

    As Mercury the messenger then conjoined with revolutionary Uranus, you then leapt from your bed, inspired to write great works of art to express your feeling for this newfound icon of passionate adoration. When the messenger then moved into Pisces and your solar sixth house, you were up working at your desk in febrile transport. No more are you moved to write the story of your life, as it was, when the NEW MOON in Pisces comes! No, little over-dressed imbeciles! The past is behind you. Now you will only write the story of your life to come with your new love at your side. Oh what bliss! 'Today is the first day of the rest of my life' you scrawl hastily on the cover of your new masterwork, proving yet again how much you have a talent for the superficial and the banal. Perhaps you should have been Barry Manilow, little tea party poodles, or even Liberace! Who knows! Who cares? Not I!

    As mighty Mars wrestles with mystic Neptune, you hurl yourself into passionate love and impassioned work. You can only know triumph from here. However, as the great Sol Invicti moves into Aries and your solar seventh house at the Equinox, and Mercury the messenger squares underworld Pluto, persons arrive at your door and the new love of your life begins to smite you viciously. It seems, little air sign nitwits, that what you thought were protestations of love on her/his behalf were, in fact, protestations of a more basic kind. You were swept away by selfish passion, heedless of the judicious use of the word 'no' and now must face the consequences. As the great Sol Invicti squares giant Jupiter at the FULL MOON, you find yourself surrounded by legal persons. And, as Mercury the messenger moves into Aries, there's talk of assault and legal redress while vilifying remarks are hurled willy-nilly at your person. Great Heavens, little buttocks-keepers! What will you do? Perhaps if you give them a talk on dress sense, they'll all go away. Doubtless they will go to sleep. Click here next month to discover what happens.


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    Aries, the Ram
    Aries, the Ram

    Taurus, the Bull
    Taurus, the Bull

    Gemini, the Twins
    Gemini, the Twins

    Cancer, the Crab
    Cancer, the Crab

    Leo, the Lion
    Leo, the Lion

    Virgo, the Virgin
    Virgo, the Virgin

    Libra, the Scales
    Libra, the Scales

    Scorpio, the Scorpion
    Scorpio, the Scorpion

    Sagittarius, the Archer
    Sagittarius, the Archer

    Capricorn, the Sea Goat
    Capricorn, the Sea Goat

    Aquarius, the Water Bearer
    Aquarius, the Water Bearer

    Pisces, the Fishes
    Pisces, the Fishes

     
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