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    INSUFFERABLE SAGITTARIUS...

    Go Back  The Oracle of Bitter Truth for April 2001    Go Forward
    In Greek myth the centaur was as notorious for lechery, drunkenness and cruelty as he was famous for wisdom, skill and artistry. In fact, for every one of your kind who achieved some sort of distinction, there were hundreds more hanging around in the background getting plastered, kicking anything smaller than themselves and ill-treating women. I guess nothing really changes, does it! Etymologically (look it up in the dictionary, stupid!), the word centaur means 'those who round up the bulls'. The lesson is that you're simply glorified cowboys. As I said, nothing changes.

    With rampaging Mars, awesome Pluto and Chiron (another bloody centaur!) the wounded healer all congregating in your sign this month, you're bound to be as aggressive, arrogant, painful and insensitive as you normally are, only worse. If you've a mind to start a revolution or form a separatist republic in the next little while, this could be a good month to get things underway. The only thing to remember is that Mars the warrior turns retrograde in May so you'll either lose the war or lose interest, whichever happens first. And anyway, Venus the goddess (in reverse motion) and the great Sol Invicti are wafting around in Aries and your solar fifth house of pleasure and recreation so probably all you'll be thinking about is bonking and getting drunk or stoned or both. Oh, and with Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens in Gemini and your seventh solar house of partnership trining mystic Neptune in Aquarius and your solar third house, you'll probably knock off your partner's wallet or purse and go gambling. The way your luck's running you'll win, but spend all the proceeds in the pub with your friends, or on a bum dope deal sold to you by a guy named Animal who lives in the Eudlo State Forest in a campervan. So much for the revolution! At least you can start fights at the pub and narrowly avoid being jailed by your usual and undeserved good luck.

    The month begins with Mercury the messenger in Pisces and your solar fourth house, so your parents or siblings or children will probably be nagging you to death, making it a pain to go home at night. By the end of the first week however, the messenger moves into Aries and your solar fifth house to make a conjunction with Venus so you can head back to the pub and brag to your mates about what a wonderful life you have. In between bouts of your less than credible exaggerations, you might have a bash at that novel/political article/poem/song you claim you've been writing since you were expelled from university. Maybe one day you'll get somewhere with it!

    In the meantime, the great Sol Invicti and the messenger move into Taurus and your solar sixth house of health and work at the end of the third week of April. You'll either get really sick from all the hard living or, even worse, you'll just have to go back to work. While Jupiter carries on in Gemini and your solar seventh house, continuing to turn partners and spouses (yes, all of them!) into merciless exaggerating nags who think they have their own lives to lead, new developments are set to occur. Saturn moves into Gemini, following Jupiter and almost guaranteeing that your partner/spouse will leave you and take up with your brother/sister, the one they claimed was nicer than you anyway (nearly everyone fits that description).

    FULL MOON: This comes on April 8th in the sign of Libra and your solar eleventh house. You'll meet a handsome/beautiful stranger at a party (the pub was closed) or at a 'Save the Rain Forest' networking meeting. She/he will somehow remind you of your best schoolmate's mother/father. You'll fall in love and go to a lot of parties/meetings together and then it will be over like so many other affairs.

    NEW MOON: This comes in the sign of Taurus and your solar sixth house, with a square to nebulous Neptune in Aquarius and your solar third house. You'll make a new start by actually turning up at work but all the computers will be down because of a new virus written by some female student in the Philippines. If you get straight down to the post office you'll just have time to rush off a 'thank you' note to her before the pub opens.

    Disclaimer: To any Sagittarians who are soldiers, statesmen, lawyers, healers or religious figures, these predictions apply especially to you (apart from the soldiers, if large and violent, and the lawyers, for quite the most obvious reasons).


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    Aries, the Ram
    Aries, the Ram

    Taurus, the Bull
    Taurus, the Bull

    Gemini, the Twins
    Gemini, the Twins

    Cancer, the Crab
    Cancer, the Crab

    Leo, the Lion
    Leo, the Lion

    Virgo, the Virgin
    Virgo, the Virgin

    Libra, the Scales
    Libra, the Scales

    Scorpio, the Scorpion
    Scorpio, the Scorpion

    Sagittarius, the Archer
    Sagittarius, the Archer

    Capricorn, the Sea Goat
    Capricorn, the Sea Goat

    Aquarius, the Water Bearer
    Aquarius, the Water Bearer

    Pisces, the Fishes
    Pisces, the Fishes

     
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