• aries

  • taurus

  • gemini

  • cancer

  • leo

  • virgo

  • libra

  • scorpio

  • sagittarius

  • capricorn

  • aquarius

  • pisces
  • StartWelcomeStar GuideHoroscopesNude HoroscopesTarotscopesOrdersContact UsGuest Book

               
    Asperitus Casting Runes

    Asperitus Casting Runes...

    Nhill, holy city

    Aries Asp
    Taurus Asp
    Gemini Asp
    Cancer Asp
    Leo Asp
    Virgo Asp
    Libra Asp
    Scorpio Asp
    Sagittarius Asp
    Capricorn Asp
    Aquarius Asp
    Pisces Asp

    Astrology Home
    Horoscopes
    Monthly Horoscopes
    Runes
    Relationships
    Health Astrology
    About Astrology
    Orders
    More Info
    The Zodiac
    About Us

    INSUFFERABLE SAGITTARIUS...

    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of April 2003    Go Forward
    Greetings, O centaurs! Salutations to the outrageous addlepates of the unspeakable Zodiac wheel. Let us not waste time with April Fool's nonsense or other such merry japes! Let us get down to the business of the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of awful April!

    We left you last month hoping for a slice of luck to get you out of yet another of the scrapes your odious sign specializes in creating. And so it shall be, little centaur atrocities! You will escape by the skin of your teeth and by virtue of the awful drivel that I write. A New Moon in the appalling sign of Aries presages the conjunction of mighty Mars and cranky Chiron in Capricorn and your solar second house while giant Jupiter rolls forward in the nasty sign of Leo.

    All this tedious cosmic bumping and grinding reveals to those who know (myself, the master) that one of your awful songs, sent to an obscure music publisher in Japan will lead to unparalleled success. Yes, little centaurs! Your idiotic musings are set to become the heart of the most popular karaoke song from Seoul to Tokyo. Eastern folk will speak your name in tones of awe and pay hairdressers exorbitant amounts to have their locks styled (if style it can be called) in imitation of your own. As mid April comes, you'll find yourself living in a mansion with work aplenty, all by courtesy of a raft of astrological aspects too tedious to name.

    The Full Moon comes in Libra and your solar eleventh house, bringing you friends by the gross, all as willing as you to spend your money in wasteful extravagance. Mighty Mars moves into Aquarius and your solar third house and you purchase a powerful new motor vehicle with an awful two-tone colour scheme. Venus the goddess moves into Aries and you're seen in every casino and at every racetrack with an endless round of fetching and passionate companions.

    But what's this, you wretched little cowpersons! Great heavens, it cannot be! Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in Taurus and your solar sixth house and it turns out that this is an April Fool's Day joke after all! Mine! On you! And your horrid little lives are just continuing on in their horrid little fashion with no change or relief at all. Oh well! Never mind! I suppose your luck's run out. If I can find anyone who cares here in Heaven, I shall certainly notify you. See you next month!


    Astrology on the Web



    Click here to go to Pisces Click here to go to Aquarius Click here to go to Capricorn Click here to go to Sagittarius Click here to go to Scorpio Click here to go to Libra Click here to go to Virgo Click here to go to Leo Click here to go to Cancer Click here to go to Gemini Click here to go to Taurus Click here to go to Aries


    Aries, the Ram
    Aries, the Ram

    Taurus, the Bull
    Taurus, the Bull

    Gemini, the Twins
    Gemini, the Twins

    Cancer, the Crab
    Cancer, the Crab

    Leo, the Lion
    Leo, the Lion

    Virgo, the Virgin
    Virgo, the Virgin

    Libra, the Scales
    Libra, the Scales

    Scorpio, the Scorpion
    Scorpio, the Scorpion

    Sagittarius, the Archer
    Sagittarius, the Archer

    Capricorn, the Sea Goat
    Capricorn, the Sea Goat

    Aquarius, the Water Bearer
    Aquarius, the Water Bearer

    Pisces, the Fishes
    Pisces, the Fishes

     
    | privacy policy