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    VEXATIOUS VIRGO...

    Go Back  The Oracle of Bitter Truth for June 2001    Go Forward
    It's always work and health for the virgin, isn't it. Not content with your studies at the Swiss Academy of Surface Wiping and your part time job attending to the work rosters of the Swiss Guard at the Vatican, you take some early morning work as a milkmaid. This will give you a double-barrelled opportunity. You'll be able to save a few extra marks (of the Swiss variety) and also lecture the milk buyers on the dangers of dairy products and the various related allergies that trouble their users.

    It also gives you a reason to get up early while your teacher at the Swiss Academy (the one you're having an affair with) is still sleeping so that you don't have to have sex with her/him too often. After all there's only so much a virgin can put up with, isn't there! Besides, there's that bracing walk to work through the snow-covered foothills that gives you such a good start to the day. What a pity the rest of us are still lying in bed with the central heating on and having fruit toast and coffee after yet more sex. Oh well! We'll learn one day, I expect. In the meantime, this could be something of a turbulent month for you virgins so you'll just have to make the best of it in that irritatingly humble way that you have of just getting on with things and yet complaining bitterly and neurotically all the while.

    The great Sol Invicti in Gemini wrestles with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius as the jolly month of June builds up steam, stirring up matters in your solar tenth and fourth houses. Your teacher at the academy could be getting a little too possessive with regard to the newest treasure in her/his shining stream of students. Watch out! You virgins love your independence. After all, you do have the goal of global hygiene beckoning. And nothing should stand in the way of that (nothing as unhygienic as sex anyway). On June 4th, Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in Gemini and your solar tenth house, spreading a little confusion and uncertainty. You start to consider your position, wondering why you've come to such a far off land on such a strange quest. You lie awake worrying until it's time to get up for the milking job. And then while you're up and about, tending to the teats of those alpine bovines, you notice a little soreness in your fingers. Before your classes at the Academy that day, you apply a variety of herbal remedies to the sore spots, buy a pressure bandage and make an appointment for an X-ray and some skin tests.

    When the FULL MOON comes in Sagittarius and your solar fourth house on June 6th, you decide to break off the liaison with your teacher. You tell her/him that you hope you can remain friends, trusting this change won't affect his assessment of your performance. As Venus the goddess moves into Taurus and your solar ninth house on the same day, you decide to undertake a series of walking tours to inspect the local livestock since you're unsatisfied with the condition of the cows that you're milking. This will allow you to prepare a report for the animal liberation group you're affiliated with and fill in the time left vacant by the cessation of sex and the affair.

    When giant Jupiter opposes retrograde Mars on June 12th, the animal liberation group strikes at several farms that you've pinpointed as ill-treating their animals. They don't do anything really. As the entire liberationist group is born under the sign of the virgin, they just leave critical and mildly insulting notes for the farmers, pointing out the numerous deficiencies in their methods of animal husbandry. Nonetheless, the whole of Switzerland is shocked by this outrage and the Swiss Defence Force is put on emergency alert the very next day when the great Sol Invicti conjoins with giant Jupiter.

    But, with retrograde Mercury opposing Chiron in mid-month, personal tragedy strikes! The pain in your fingers is now so extreme that surface wiping, once the obsessive joy of your existence becomes a personal ordeal. The standard of your work at the Academy begins to slip. You can't help but notice the smug look on the face of your tutor who now knows she/he can mark you harshly without being accused of spitefully revenging herself/himself as a jilted lover.

    However, the tragedy that threatens is soon turned to triumph. When the results of your tests come in, it's found you have contracted a virus from the milking the cows (why don't they wash their teats properly!), one that swells the joints painfully. When the great Sol Invicti moves into Cancer, bringing a NEW MOON and a solar eclipse on June 21st, you quit your job as a milkmaid. After that, your fingers heal miraculously with the herbal remedies you apply and you're back to your old self at the Academy in no time. Thus, when Mercury the messenger begins to move forward on June 28th, you know that you too can move forward on the road to global hygiene once again, but with the satisfaction of knowing that you have struck a blow for animal liberation and saved a few marks. Isn't it wonderful being so useful? I'll leave you virgins to answer that because, personally, I wouldn't have a clue what it feels like.


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    Aries, the Ram

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    Taurus, the Bull

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    Gemini, the Twins

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    Cancer, the Crab

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    Leo, the Lion

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    Virgo, the Virgin

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    Libra, the Scales

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    Scorpio, the Scorpion

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    Sagittarius, the Archer

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    Capricorn, the Sea Goat

    Aquarius, the Water Bearer
    Aquarius, the Water Bearer

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    Pisces, the Fishes

     
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