Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Hark to me, little airhead nitwits! Thus I write my satire on your ridiculous lives, your eccentric posings and your imbecile attitudes. Hark to me, O things of air and emptiness! I, Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth, prognosticate upon your meaningless futures for the month of fatuous February.
Last time, you had fallen insensate to the floor at some indeterminate location after playing the pan flute, a response certainly customary among those forced to listen to the godforsaken wailings of that inane instrument. Thus, in a fit of fatigue and transport, we find you raving and weeping as we open the account for this month, though it is beyond me how anyone could detect any difference between this current gibbering and your usual standard of utterance. Nonetheless, you are an airhead in deep distress and, much to our collective delight, that distress is only to increase for the moment. As giant Jupiter in your solar sixth house dances with Chiron the wounded healer in your solar twelfth house, you are racked by a combination of nervous twitchings and a malaise so deep that even those of us who despise you (almost everyone) may be filled with a momentary concern. This is, of course, more in regard to how long you're going to carry on in this way rather than expressing any fears as to an imminent death. Your newly acquired giant companion can only look on, a silent witness at this eccentric performance and completely uncertain as to what to do.
As Mercury the messenger moves back into Capricorn and your solar twelfth house, you finally slip into a soundless trance, relieving your companion of the irksome decision as to whether to render some assistance or simply begin pummelling you again. He confines you to a sickbed. As Venus the goddess conjoins with revolutionary Uranus in your sign, a stream of ministering persons enters your room, drawn by the gruesome but nonetheless magnetic glow you seem to exude. As Mercury and sober Saturn begin to move forward again, a recovery seems to be in progress. Sweat dries on your brow and your bleary eyes begin to clear. You soon find that you are confined in the bowls of the hemp and chicken farm that you and your Swedish comrades had tried to raid. Somehow, your Swedish phase seems so far behind you now that you can barely recall the names of the members of that hapless band called Viking Glory. New friends are to be made here, aren't they, little airheads! And that's what life's about, isn't it! At least, your unspeakable life is.
As a NEW MOON comes in your sign while Mercury the messenger re-enters that lunatic domain, you find all these strange denizens of the chicken and hemp farm can be beguiled by the pan flute, and that's what you begin to do. Soon, the whole crew is your fan club, with a single and notable exception, the glowering individual who seems to be in charge of this mysterious operation. This is a shadowy figure you see only from afar or hear giving orders in the distance. However, no immediate harm seems to come from this. You find yourself eating chicken, smoking hemp and playing the pan flute for considerable financial reward as the great Sol Invicti enters Pisces and your solar second house, following in the footsteps of Venus the goddess. As Mercury conjoins with mystic Neptune in your sign, you are the entertainer extraordinnaire, radiating eccentric charm in that irritating way you have. But, dark matters are at work behind the scenes. It's not all chicken and pan flutes, little airheads!
As Venus the goddess tests underworld Pluto and sober Saturn squares the great Sol Invicti, you are summoned to the quarters of the shadowy figure in charge. A FULL MOON comes in Virgo and your solar eighth house and the awful truth behind the chicken farm is revealed. But, I'm far too bored and sober to make up any more of this drivel now so you'll have to click here next month to find out what's going on.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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