Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, imbeciles of the air sign persuasion! How are your charming eccentricities this month? As irritating and vacuous as ever? I do hope you and your idiot friends are enjoying yourselves now you have returned from your adventures overseas to once more reside in the bosom of such unspeakable companionship. Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way, let us proceed with the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of awful April.
You're back at home, little airheads, seeking work and a new place to reside. With Venus the goddess in Taurus and your solar fourth house, you move into a house share with several hairdressers, a real estate agent and an amateur opera singer with a childish temperament. The matter of work is just a little more complex. Giant Jupiter in Cancer and your solar sixth house opposes Chiron the wounded healer in Capricorn and your solar twelfth house while Mercury the messenger and the great Sol Invicti create some cosmic havoc of their own. Your search for gainful employment is less than satisfying, as nothing seems to fulfill the high and eccentric ideals for which you are justly legend.
As the great Sol Invicti conjoins with Mercury the messenger, you decide to develop your psychic skills and take up reading the Tarot cards in accordance with the behest of Jupiter and Chiron. By this means, little airheads, you can do good in the world and make better the lives of all those you meet. You purchase a deck of cards and begin intensive training. As Venus the goddess makes tension with mystic Neptune, you begin a romance with one or both of the hairdressers. But, by the time that mighty Mars has squared revolutionary Uranus, you've broken off the relationship and moved into another share house with a butcher's assistant, a brain surgeon and several youthful professional sports people.
Come the NEW MOON in Aries and your solar third, you decide not to do readings in person but instead set up a telephone Tarot line, advertised on the Internet. Mercury in Taurus has you busily cutting the deals and setting up the website that will allow all of this to go ahead. Mighty Mars in Gemini brings romance with one of the sports people, the one with the nimble fingers. As Mercury then squares mystic Neptune, you launch the website and your Tarot line under the name of The Cappuccino Mystic. It's an instant success as anything with such a banal title is bound to be. In fact, as Lady Moon conjoins with Jupiter, opposing Chiron, so many people ring up and ask you to solve their pathetic problems that you hire a bevy of foreign born psychic persons to do the readings because it's just too boring to do them yourself. Soon you're so rich that, as Venus the goddess clashes with revolutionary Uranus while the great Sol Invicti moves through Taurus, you move out of your house share and buy an expensive mansion. As Venus then moves into Gemini, you and your sports mad lover move in together.
Come the FULL MOON in Scorpio and your solar tenth house, various businesses approach you to advertise on your website as it's getting so much traffic. As Mercury the messenger clashes with revolutionary Uranus and then moves into Gemini, you decide to write a book about your fabulous life and adventures and sell it on the website. As the public taste for vapid eccentricity knows no bounds, doubtless your book will be yet another triumph of style over content. Click here next month to see how rich and famous you become.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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