Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Ho to you, little air sign twits! May the Heavens be filled with the trill and peal of your joyous, if largely inane, laughter! Welcome to the month of jittery June, O vapid and mindless water-bearing things! Attend me now, for I am Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth and these are the vile and bitter prognostications that I make for the days to come.
Atrocious planets gathered in sickening Cancer invade your solar sixth house of work and health as the month begins. Thus, the cold you had last time is now even worse and you probably lie prone in bed, shivering and aching, wishing you had been nicer to your parents so that they would now show some interest in coming around to care for you, but you weren't so they don't! You are wracked by fainting fits and babble deliriously whilst visions of ancient and eldritch creatures infest your fevered dreams. All aspirations to be discovered as the missing author of a famous book are forgotten in the haze of your illness.
By the Full Moon in Capricorn and your solar twelfth house, you have to hire an elderly nurse to care for you. However, she's such a miserable wretch that you sack her and then invite your friends round to cheer you up. But, as Venus the goddess clashes with Chiron, you look so pale that none of your friends will talk to you as they think you've become a Goth and must be listening to the Chills or Marilyn Manson.
As Mercury the messenger clashes with nasty Neptune, you contact several of your ex-partners and ask for help but to no avail, till one of them recommends a doctor that she/he regularly uses. This doctor comes around, tells you have a cold and charges you the earth for the visit. As you heave your now expended credit card to the floor, you cry aloud with the agony of it all! When will this suffering end!
But, great gods, little airheads! What's happened? The cold has given your voice a raw, rich power, so different from that colourless and cheerful neutrality that is the hallmark of imbecile you. Perhaps you could become a singer in a band and make a fortune, little air sign nitwits! What do you think? Such a development would certainly aid your alarming fiscal position. This may yet be another interesting chapter in your fabulous life! Click here next month and see what happens. Ta! Ta!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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