Asperitus Casting Runes...
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- Hooray, little air sign imbeciles! Last month we left you in debt and with a severe cold. Troublesome indeed, though as persons of your nitwit sign would doubtless say, every cloud has a silver lining.
The silver lining in this instance was a powerful singing voice, revealed to you in the very throes of your infirmity. As the great Sol Invicti clashes with nasty Neptune, several friends visit you and say how wonderful your voice is and how you should join a band and become a star. Mercury the messenger clashes with mighty Mars and angry debt-collectors come knocking at your door, demanding money as your shady financial past catches up with you. As Venus the goddess wrestles with nasty Neptune, you lie to them, pretending you're someone else and claim the person they're seeking moved out months ago. Thus, necessity, the mother of invention as always, sets your course. You're going to start a band! You practice movements in the mirror and continuously change your clothes so as to determine what look really suits you (you are having trouble with Neptune these days).
As the Full Moon comes in your own nitwit sign and Mercury clashes with Pluto, you meet an old friend who used to be a conference coordinator and sign him up as your manager. As a gaggle of idiot planets gathers in your solar seventh house, you audition people to be band members. You vet them carefully for style, dress, favourite movies and books. Afterwards someone asks you what instruments they play and you realize your band consists of harpsichord, guitar, tin whistle, cello and drums. You love the combination and refuse listen to those backward creatures who tell you it will never work.
As Venus the goddess and the great Sol Invicti move into Virgo, your manager (the one you thought was your friend) signs you up to contracts you'd have been better to read more closely. You first get wind of this when you find you have to pay him to work on your behalf and then discover your first booking is as background music in a local brothel, one he customarily frequents.
Great gods alive and dead, air sign twits! This isn't the reckless bid for stardom you had in mind! Come jolly Jupiter's and the New Moon in odious Virgo, you find you're in dispute over money with the manager you've just fired. You now have a court date instead of a first gig, but at least your cold has gone. As the great Sol Invicti clashes with mighty Mars, you have a fierce fight with your ex-manager outside the court, jumping on his discarded jacket and dropping his cell phone in a takeaway latte.
Mercury the messenger turns retrograde and your day in court turns out to be a nightmare. You're forced to play in the brothel and ordered to return for a further hearing. But, little airheads, there's worse news to come. You turn out for your first gig only to find that, now you're well, the magnificent new voice has gone. Most of the clients in the brothel take time out from their activities to throw things at you. Merciful Heavens, little nitwits! You're going to have to get sick again. Click here next month and see if you can manage that.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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