Asperitus Casting Runes...
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- Hola to you, air sign galoots! Ye gods and little fishes, it's been nothing but trouble in the financial department for some time for you dreary little airhead nobodies, hasn't it! Your own pesky and inane planet, idiotic Uranus, has been hobnobbing in odious Pisces and your solar second house, along with marauding Mars. Together, these cretins of the cosmic cataclysm have clashed with all manner of wandering planetary bodies in the unspeakable sign of Virgo. Thus, you've been chased by debt-collectors, in and out of court in disputes over money with business associates and trying your level best (snigger) to make a go of things, as they say. Well, this month, it will change, air sign galoots, for I, Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth, decree it will! Prepare, little ninnies, little nonentities, little nitwits, for the vile and bitter prognostications for savage September.
However, as we begin, things get worse rather than better. But then, into each life a little rain must fall! Venus the goddess clashes with underworld Pluto and we find you playing a concert in a brothel, rather unsuccessfully as it happens. Thus, you're shunned by audience and band members alike as your marvellous new voice has declined with your cold. More threats are made by the manager with whom you've been in dispute. These involve the possibility of further damages, physical or fiscal or both. Band members enter the frey, concerned they've tied their future earning potential to your unlucky and untalented coat tails. This is due to a raft of cosmic contortions too tedious to recount.
Suffice it to say that by the Full Moon in snivelling Pisces, you're seeking the advice of an overbearing individual from a legal aid organization. The tiny sliver of fortune to come from this is that, as cranky Chiron crosses swords with sober Saturn, your cold returns more fiercely than ever, giving you back your mighty voice. However, you only use this voice to swear at people in the street and abuse everyone with whom you're involved.
But then things change! Eccentric Uranus returns to idiotic Aquarius and you decide you've had enough. You'll return to living the fabulous and insouciant life to which you're accustomed! Venus the goddess moves into Libra and you make travel plans after meeting a beautiful foreign stranger while clubbing. Mercury the messenger goes direct and you contact everyone to whom you owe money and organize to meet them at the legal aid office, saying you'll pay what's due.
But come the great Sol Invicti's move to Libra and the New Moon in that sign, you're making other plans. As mighty Mars moves direct, you gather your last remaining resources, get one of your nitwit friends to email those at the meeting that you're going to be late, then drive to the airport with all speed. When Mercury the messenger clashes with underworld Pluto for a third and last time, you're airborne, vainly pursued by a cloud of venomous abuse from your creditors.
You're free, little air sign nitwits! And the big wide world awaits you. Click here next month to read about your fabulous adventures in foreign climes! I'm feeling ill now, I'm afraid I must rest.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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