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    Go Back  The Jittery Journeys of May 2004  Go Forward
    Greetings, idiot airhead creatures! Welcome to the month of manic May. Last time we left you flying to foreign climes to take a cheque to a troubled land and thus do your bit for the betterment of humanity. So, what do the vile and bitter prognostications bring now?

    Let me begin at the beginning. Because of last month’s retrograde Mercury, you actually took a plane to Scotland and not to the wartorn land that was in desperate need of your financial assistance. And, in addition to that, you seem to have contracted a condition on the aircraft, one involving the inflammation of both knees and ankles, due of course to Saturn in neurotic Cancer in your solar sixth house.

    Thus you disembark in the land of the rolling ‘r’, wobble painfully through customs and arrive in the terminal where you’re immediately mistaken for a visiting occultist. A Full Moon, an eclipse and irritating planetary clashes are doubtless the cause of all this nonsense but I can’t be bothered explaining them. Look them up in a book if you’re that interested.

    Suffice it to say that by the time jolly Jupiter moves forward, you’re lecturing at the local Theosophical Society on matters abstruse and occult. And, by my little brown bottle, you’re mistaken for someone who understands what they’re talking about. Truly do we live in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods!

    Marauding Mars enters Cancer and your solar sixth house and healers vie with each other to attend to your serious case of knees for such is your reputation as an occultist that persons clamour to be near you. Mischievous Mercury re-enters cloddish Taurus and your solar fourth house and salubrious accommodations are offered to you. Vamping Venus moves into reverse motion in idiot Gemini and you’re invited to parties where you meet old friends unexpectedly.

    Thus, come a New Moon in Taurus, you decide to make your home in the land of Bonnie Prince Charlie, bagpipes and sheep’s bladder pie. You give demonstrations of occult forces and electromagnetism in public places. You hold parties in your home and disport yourself in that foolish manner that causes weak-minded people to believe you’re entertaining. And, suddenly, you find you’re raking in money as your bizarre ideas on the esoteric arts become popular.

    Mischievous Mercury clashes with nasty Neptune and you move to a more luxurious abode with a priest hole and peculiar murals. As vamping Venus clashes again with underworld Pluto, you decide that you can make a highly successfully career in occultism. Image is everything, says nasty Neptune in your sign. But is it enough, my little airhead ninnies? Click here next month and see.

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