Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, ghastly persons of the rambunctious persuasion! I trust you haven't begun this year as badly as you've begun each one before it. Whatever the seemingly interminable count of your years on this benighted planet, little horned monstrosities, your rambunctious tendency is to charge down new avenues, shouting, puffing and knocking over obstacles and people alike as they loom up ahead in the limited field of your vision. Then, of course, it all gets too hard (meaning you have to finish what you started) and you lose interest. Thus, you screw up your beady eyes as you search for some new direction to make yet another beginning. Then you charge away, head first, in search of something else to do and go through roughly the same process again. Karma is what it is, little rams! And so you are what you are, rank beginners! Enough of these tedious musings! On with the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of jaded January.
As mighty Mars in Pisces and your solar twelfth house clashed with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar ninth house, on the bell of the New Year, it was doubtless an exciting time for one and all. You may have:
- Had a secret sexual encounter with a foreign person (possible).
- Given cross-cultural offence through impropriety or bad behaviour (highly possible).
- Sought out drug smugglers and sex perverts to ring in the New Year (likely for some).
- Simply hit someone of a religious or academic background (or indeed anyone at all) because you didn't like the way they looked at you (the most likely).
As I remember it (I must increase my prescription strength to ensure the memories fade completely), you were being dragged from a watery grave in a canal in Venice by the Italian minister of agriculture. And, what's more, this person was the very target you had chosen for your first political assassination as you began to wage your global war of terror for the liberation of sheep on behalf of the great Sheep Mother. Somehow, on reflection, it seems like a distant bad dream, does it not, little rams? But then, I may be biased. Almost everything I see in this benighted world seems like a distant bad dream, though not distant enough on average.
As Venus the goddess and the great Sol Invicti oppose giant Jupiter, you find yourself moving from the damp to the entirely wet as you embark on a passionate affair with this beautiful/handsome personage with whom you are now locked away in a hideaway among the Venetian canals. Despite the fact that your post coital dialogue generally consists of phrases such as 'when do we eat' or 'when do we do it again', you find yourself confiding your deepest and darkest secrets in the afterglow of your sexual encounters with this mysterious minister. Thus it is that when Mercury the messenger (now in Aquarius) conjoins with mystic Neptune, you begin to speak of sheep only to find your rescuer and lover shares your sentiments. She/he has seen the Sheep Mother! You stand aghast, I know, little rams! But what more evidence would you need that the world of spirit exists and that hidden forces guide our lives (for the most part, not very well, but that's neither here nor there).
As the great Sol Invicti conjoins with Venus the goddess at the NEW MOON in Capricorn and your solar tenth house, you forge a secret mission together as you continue to explore the fiery forges of your flesh. Mighty Mars squares the Lunar Nodes and you are plunged into secret meetings with ovine sympathizers. Then, as Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in Aquarius, your identity is made known. Your new comrades acclaim you as a teacher and hero through your authorship of that extraordinary work, The Meaning of Sheep & The Search for Ovinity, the very bible of their movement. Mighty Mars moves into your own sign and you agree to lead one and all to bloody revolution for the liberation of sheep.
As heavenly bodies too tedious to enumerate move into irritating Aquarius and your solar eleventh house, challenging the FULL MOON in odious Leo and your solar fifth house, the great purpose is forged at the first meeting of this new revolutionary movement. Mystic Neptune being involved, you all obtain sheep costumes, die them blood red and prepare to say 'Baa' to the world as you invoke the Sheep Mother's protection on this holy war that must now be fought. Ovinity forever! As you still haven't done anything yet except fall in the water and fall in love, little rams, we'll have to wait until next month to see how you fare.
TIP FOR 2002: As giant Jupiter moves into Leo and your solar fifth house in August of this year, you'll be louder and more insufferably rambunctious than ever. But, as you don't care about anybody else, I don't suppose it will matter that much.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes