Astrology on the Web - Bitter Aries

Start	Welcome	Star Guide	Horoscopes	Nude Horoscopes	Tarotscopes	Orders	Contact Us	Guest Book

Asperitus Casting Runes...

The Oracle of Bitter Truth for February 2002
BITTER ARIES...

Dear little butting things with nasty protuberances and appalling manners! How does the month of fatuous February find you? As rollicking and rambunctious as ever, no doubt!

Now, if you are of a mind to take account of things that don't directly concern you (an unlikely prospect really, but worth the venture as a long shot), then you'll notice the amazing number of explosions, concussions and brazen impacts that have commanded attention on the global stage lately. All of this is due to mighty Mars crashing through your odious and ill-tempered sign, as he is wont to do every two years. Thus, the world is liable to go up in flames while tempers flare to the left and right of us, in front of us and behind us. Wars will be declared. Fires will ignite. Explosives will spontaneously combust and people will generally go around throwing things, crashing their cars, shooting each other and shouting loudly as they perform any or all of these functions. Thus, things are as they should be in the world of rambunctious but the rest of us must retire to our boudoirs and consume massive quantities of drugs or take an advanced course in deep-sea diving to escape the sound and fury of it all.

Oh well! Enough of this drivel! You don't need me to explain your appalling nature! Everyone tries to tell you. And anyway, you're not capable of listening to anyone for as long as it would take to run through the list of your faults. Let me instead proceed with the astrological drivel as I prognosticate, in the customary vile and bitter manner, as to the ghastly fate that awaits you in the coming month.

We left you last time in the midst of two things you love, having sex and preparing to launch yourself on the trail of valiant conquest. As giant Jupiter and Chiron the wounded healer wrestle in the heavens, you feel certain it is time for you to prove yourself in the arena of public acclaim and realize the full potential of your so far latent ability. We can only wait with bated breath to see if the world can stand the strain. In the meantime, as Mercury the messenger moves back into Capricorn and your solar tenth house on his retrograde journey, you find yourself dealing with high officials, discussing strategies and campaign secrets as you work for the liberation of sheep. However, matters of romance are also a dominant influence. As Venus the goddess conjoins with revolutionary Uranus, you are still besotted with your new liaison even though she/he was once the designated first target of your assassination campaign. As Mercury the messenger and sober Saturn begin to move forward, your revolutionary group issues a document containing ninety-five theses on the abuses of sheep and the corruption inherent in the sales of wool and lamb. Pamphlets containing this deathless prose are distributed on buses and trains in the town of Wittenberg. This is done to divert attention from the Italian government and because the Italians don't like the Germans anyway.

Come the conjunction of the NEW MOON and revolutionary Uranus in the sign of Aquarius and your solar eleventh house, things are really heating up. There you are, issuing orders for the start of the campaign of terror on your mobile, while experimenting with a variety of innovative sexual positions that will form the basis of a new book entitled 'The Lamba Sutra'. As Venus the goddess moves into Pisces and your solar twelfth house while Mercury the messenger returns to Aquarius, you take on a false identity. You pose as a Swedish psychotherapist who lectures on the evils of eating red meat and salt, making broadcasts from a pirate radio station anchored off the coast near Calabria. Then when Venus the goddess squares sober Saturn and the great Sol Invicti moves into the sign of the fishes, your new lover introduces you to her/his office as a personal assistant so that you can work undercover and ferret out the secrets of the Ministry of Agriculture. But suddenly, everything seems to go awry. These secrets and false identities begin to create a crisis within your own bluff and simplistic nature. As Mercury the messenger conjoins with mystic Neptune, you begin believing you are several different people. As Venus wrestles with Pluto and the great Sol Invicti with sober Saturn, you start a same sex affair with a highly placed academic consultant in the ministry, creating a blazing row with your ministerial lover. You also lapse into bouts of speaking in tongues, especially Swedish and an obscure form of mediaeval Armenian.

When the FULL MOON comes in the sign of Virgo and your solar sixth house, you contract a severe form of eczema that confines you to the bath. Here in the soothing waters you find you are possessed by the ghost of a Swiss tailor who was committed to a sanitarium because of an uncontrollable fear of the working classes. Great Heavens, little rams! Perhaps you're having a breakdown! What will happen to you now? Yawn!