Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, little ram type obscenities! I have no time to waste with insults and the like on lower life forms! Let us go instead straight to the vile and bitter prognostications for miserable May.
A New Moon comes in dull-witted Taurus and your solar second house of money. Thus you're forced, as I predicted last month, to get a job and earn a living like normal people. With giant Jupiter, Venus the goddess and mighty Mars hobnobbing in an irritating fashion, your work will be in hospitality or a service industry or some other odious employment where you have to pretend you like people and are forced to go around being nice to them. With Mercury the messenger retrograde in your solar second house, your days are filled with bellowing oafs and yapping idiots all talking knowingly about the value of a dollar (which as anyone with sense knows is a dollar!).
The great Sol Invicti squares mystic Neptune and you start taking drugs again to cope with the indignities of labour. When mighty Mars and Mercury clash with Neptune, you throw a tantrum, smash things, spike everyone's drinks and leave work in an inebriated state. You take refuge in a club where you join up with a Swedish terrorist cell, determined to seize control of the governments of the world and force everyone to listen to Abba Gold.
By the time the Full Moon comes bringing an eclipse, you've had sex with all of them and begin to wonder through the haze of intoxication how you've managed to join a group of people even more idiotic than yourself. When the great Sol Invicti squares revolutionary Uranus in Pisces and your solar twelfth house, you decide to enter a monastery and go into retreat. As a New Moon comes in Gemini and your solar third house of communication, bringing a solar eclipse, you take a vow of silence. I can only say that this is one of your better choices of late, for us if not for yourself. Until next time, little ram-type things!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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