Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, imbecile ovines! I trust all is well in the world of smelly fleeces and nasty little horns! Last month we left you in what seemed to be paradise, with a surfeit of sex, food and red paint at your fingertips, surrounded by feral creatures who harboured no desire but to serve or share the surfeit. Fate has been kind, little idiot creatures, in a way that none who know you could claim is merited. Alas, such is life in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods!
But enough miserable meanderings about your meaningless existence! Let us rather revel in the vile and bitter prognostications for savage September. As mighty Mars moves in reverse motion with revolutionary Uranus for two weeks, you indulge with intoxicants, develop a nervous twitch, fall prone to fits of weeping, lose your temper over trifles and dream of ghostly horses dancing eccentrically. Venus the goddess squares underworld Pluto and you organize a roster of the willing feral creatures in a vain attempt to sate the insatiable, your sexual desire. Mighty Mars clashes with jolly Jupiter and you encode this in law so you'll never have to go without.
But, as retrograde Mercury joins with Venus the goddess, you keep becoming confused as to what you're supposed to be doing with whom and grab whatever bodies are nearest to hand. But then, little ram type obscenities, the tables begin to turn. All this licentiousness is too much, even for you!
As the great Sol Invicti clashes with underworld Pluto at the Full Moon, you're swimming in rivers of red paint and suffocating in the sweaty press of flesh. Mercury the messenger clashes with underworld Pluto and you begin to lose mobility in all but the essential areas and start to feel quite ill. As Chiron the wounded healer clashes with sober Saturn, you try to withdraw from the frey of fleshly desire, but those who have appointed you 'god' demand more, dragging you back to the altar of insatiable need.
However, relief comes unexpectedly. Eccentric Uranus moves back to Aquarius while Venus the goddess enters odious Libra and strangers arrive at this 'lost horizon'. A party of Swedish scientists, yodelling songs from Abba Gold come in search of specimens for the zoological gardens in Stockholm. With a dazzling display of cosmic fireworks, Mercury moves direct while the Equinox brings a New Moon in decadent Libra. Faster than a Ram can make a post-coital demand for food, you and a brace of fellow ferals are tranquilized, bound and shipped off to Nordic climes.
Mighty Mars moves direct as Mercury the messenger clashes with underworld Pluto and we find you behind bars (rightly so, some would say) and on display for the gaping citizenry of Stockholm, wondering what happened to the idyllic paradise of sex, food and red paint. Fallen from nerveless fingers like every other good thing in your life, I suppose! Perhaps there is some justice in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods. Click here next month and see what further perils lie ahead for a Ram in a gilded cage.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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