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    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of November 2003    Go Forward
    What ho, little ram type twerps! Greetings for the month of nasty November! Let me utter the vile and bitter prognostications that pertain thereto!

    Unspeakable planets in odious signs gather depressingly and then cavort in irritating fashion. Too many are there to name! Too little do I care to do so! Suffice it to say that, as you languish in your cage of Swedish steel in a Stockholm zoo, it's suddenly discovered you are not in fact a recently discovered subhuman species but a normal human being. I have always felt that science is a questionable pursuit, prone to wildly erroneous conclusions, and now I know this to be so! After muttered apologies (largely in Swedish so their meaning is elusive), you are accorded a guide, money and a sexual companion (a popular pastime with the Swedes), and also given the keys to the city as compensation for your ordeal.

    You make free with all of these. Venus the goddess cavorts in asinine Sagittarius while the great Sol Invicti harmonizes with jolly Jupiter and you revel in the freedom of your recent release. But then comes a Full Moon in cloddish Taurus that brings a lunar eclipse to your solar second and eighth houses. You find yourself not only broke after being mugged by an occultist with a nervous affliction, but also in debt, as you have run up an enormous bill at a house of ill-repute owned by a dark-haired woman with a blunt and forthright manner who hails from the Volga. In her blunt and forthright way, she says you'll be beaten senseless by two brewery workers, each with a learning disability, whom she employs as bouncers unless you pay forthwith a bill for sexual congress with what appears to have been the larger part of her staff.

    An argument erupts as mischievous Mercury clashes with eccentric Uranus then enters idiotic Sagittarius while Venus the goddess clashes with marauding Mars. However, your guide arrives in the nick of time, an emollient for this intemperate mood, thus offsetting the more violent consequences of this unfortunate contretemps. On hearing how many staff were required to serve your needs, she/he immediately takes a deeper interest. And, as Venus the goddess conjoins with underworld Pluto, you conjoin in an attempt (or several actually) to cement relations between your two countries in a new and somewhat less than formal manner.

    But, great gods what's this, little things of tragedy and ire! The New Moon comes in insufferable Sagittarius, bringing a solar eclipse! Oh, odious planets! Oh hideous aspects! Over-coated officials crash through your door in the wee small hours, dragging you from the bed of bliss and heaving you, unceremoniously, onto a plane. You've been ejected from Sweden, little ram type nitwits! It's seems they've only now realized what I have always known and given you your marching orders!

    But, little twerps of the filthy fleece! It gets even worse! The plane you're on is highjacked by terrorists. Armed desperadoes are everywhere as your plane careers through the skies. We leave you, desperately begging the nearest passenger for sex in case these should prove to be your last moments. Where will we find you next month, little ovine twits? I'll send out for a new prescription, a stronger one, and see if I can conceive a horror vile enough to suitably punish you for the greatest sin of all, your miserable existence in a benighted world ruled by insane gods. Farewell, O things of tragedy and ire! Till next time!

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