Asperitus Casting Runes...
Greetings, odious creatures of belligerence and woolly fleece! Welcome to the month of joyless July! Open your ears, close your mouths and sit comfortably on your flatulent bottoms as I, Asperitus, scholar of scandal, doctor of despair and the prophet of piffle, make the vile and bitter prognostications that will set your hideous and horny hoofs on the road to inevitable doom.
Last time we left you, you were wandering the streets, cavorting insanely and bewailing your miserable state. This is your usual strategy when things don’t go as you want them to. However, a stunning turn of events took place, as you may remember, my little brainless twerps! People began to throw money into the tin bucket you carried with you, in the mistaken belief that your performance was an entertainment for their benefit instead of a maudlin display of self-indulgence.
As the Full Moon in lugubrious Capricorn comes, you’re contemplating a pile of coins and notes large enough to cause you to think you’ve fallen backwards into a fortunate profession. Marauding Mars then clashes with idiot Uranus and you decide to become a performance artist, a kind of mystical guerrilla theatre person, roaming the city, deceiving the public (they are gullible) into thinking you have talent and thus fleecing them of their hard-earned monies with your ridiculous antics.
Mischievous Mercury moves into Leo and you sit down and begin writing (largely by stealing from the words of others) a few speeches you think will impress in your guerrilla theatre. The great Sol Invicti conjoins with miserable Saturn and you move to better premises. You want to rail about poverty, injustice and oppression but you’re tired of experiencing them directly. A raft of nasty planets infests the cosmos with ghastly aspects and we find you raking in the dough by what amounts to extortion as you rant and rave in a manner that seems to threaten the persons who watch you, making them dig even deeper in their wallets. You’re soon organized to take credit card as well.
Marauding Mars and then mischievous Mercury clash with nasty Neptune and you’ve become a mesmerizing bully on the highways and byways of the urban sprawl. Come the New Moon in Cancer, you’re so well heeled you move to a bigger, even more luxurious home. Vamping Venus clashes with jolly Jupiter and you buy yourself a flash car (red, of course). The great Sol Invicti enters Leo and you drive about the streets, waving in an exaggerated fashion as though you’re some kind of celebrity. Vamping Venus opposes underworld Pluto and you hobnob with famous and powerful people, talking in that ridiculous voice that makes you think you’re one of them.
But, great gods alive and dead, what’s this? It’s a disaster! That’s what it is! And just as everything seemed to be going well! Lugubrious Saturn clashes with underworld Pluto and a secret group of foreigners sees you at work and believes you to be on the road of insurrection. And, little blithering ovines, as the Full Moon comes in addlepate Aquarius, they ask you to join their band and turn guerrilla theatre into guerrilla war! By my sainted aunt, rambunctious nobodies! What will you do? Click here next month and see!