Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings sweating, ram-type monstrosities! In the rambunctious hall of fame (built and visited by yourselves alone as no one else goes there, except under duress), there dwells a varied assortment of those who have ridden the blazing fires of your sign to the very pinnacle of mediocrity and sometimes even slightly beyond it. Here we find the front line cast of Star Trek (beam me up, Scotty, lest I watch this drivel) and a number of other pushy film actors and directors whose names I can't be bothered remembering. We also have Marcel Marceau who I believe became a mime because everyone kept telling him to shut up. Then, there was Van Gogh who shot himself, Paul Verlaine who shot his lover and Marvin Gaye who was shot by his father (do you see a pattern emerging here, little rambunctious things?).
But the sanctum sanctorum of the Aries hall of fame is perhaps reserved for the unparalleled achievements of the French philosopher, Renee Descartes. His chance remark 'I think therefore I am' uttered to dismiss the befuddled perplexity on awakening after a night of alcoholic splendour is almost unquestionably the quintessential expression of the Aries fire. While the 'I am' portion of the remark is perfectly clear to all who know you, rambunctious, many of us have serious reservations about the 'I think' part at the beginning. Anyway, enough of this random venomous bile! Let us proceed with the vile and bitter prognostications for odious October.
Venus the goddess wrestles with underworld Pluto as the month begins and so do you wrestle with the new foreign and cross-cultural connections you are making as you launch your holy war on behalf of the lamb. Animal liberationists are your buddies and bedmates now, though many of them will have the same difficulty as we do, taking you seriously. Perhaps it's your arrogant manner, your selfish attitudes and that appalling red Ferrari you drive.
Oh well! Mighty Mars wrestles with giant Jupiter and you cast aside the comforts of home (except for the Ferrari and an ounce or two of the sheep dung you smoke) to walk the path of leadership and martial responsibility in the Sheep Mother's cause. However, as the FULL MOON comes in your sign and Mercury the messenger turns retrograde in that of your opposite sign, decadent and vacillating Libra, things don't go according to plan. Everyone you try to form an alliance with disagrees with your tactics, your strategies and makes fun of your suggestions so you hit them (the little ones anyway). As Venus the goddess squares sober Saturn, you go off somewhere by yourself and sulk. Then, as the great Sol Invicti moves into tension with giant Jupiter, you drive back home to your flock and your dung, proving that (as usual) you're better at the start than the follow through.
Things are not done with yet, however, and as Venus the goddess makes a little mischief with Chiron and Neptune, a rather plainly dressed person arrives at your door, claiming to be a medium with a message from the Sheep Mother. At first you ignore her/him but this doesn't work. Then, as the great Sol Invicti conjoins with Mercury the messenger and squares mighty Mars, you threaten her/him with violence. However, before you're able to carry out these dastardly threats, a flood of disgruntled animal liberationists arrives at your door, sweeping aside the medium and demanding you grow up (the impossible dream) and begin the campaign as a mature revolutionary. In the midst of all this chaos (which is giving you a headache, incidentally), the medium rises to the heights of transcendental consciousness, begins to speak in tongues and both urges you and all your fellow radicals to put aside your petty differences and take up the cause once more. She/he also apparently proposes marriage (well, that's what it sounded like to the dark gentleman who spoke Swahili). With Venus the goddess moving into Libra and your solar seventh house, you accept.
On the NEW MOON in Libra, you're married, sexually sated, stoned to the gills on sheep dung and ready to set out on your quest once more. Are you ever going to get past trying to begin? As Mercury the messenger squares giant Jupiter, you form a revolutionary council known as the Lambs of the Goddess and hatch your plans. The great Sol Invicti moves into Scorpio as Mercury goes direct on the 23rd of odious October. Undercover agents set forth on secret missions that cannot yet be disclosed (as you haven't actually thought of anything for them to do at this point). When mighty Mars moves into Aquarius and your solar eleventh house on October 27th, then the world will soon discover a whole new meaning for the phrase 'rack of lamb'. Farewell until then little horned bestialities!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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