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The coming month will find you worrying obsessively about health, family, sex and money, profession, friendships and associations and the spirit presences that keep hanging around your domicile. Much the same as last month! Bound to be the same next month! But, foolishly, I'll have a bash at trying to clarify the issues for you! Confess now, if you crustaceans weren't all such victims of your own neurotic worries and puerile romantic fantasies, you wouldn't be wasting your time reading rubbish like this, would you?
Just after midnight on April 1st, the waxing Moon enters your sign and moves towards a stressful square aspect with the conjunction of the great Sol Invicti and Venus the goddess in Aries and your solar tenth house. You might throw a dinner party, eat and drink yourself to extinction and then take the day off work to recover, thus shirking your duties and letting business associates and co-workers down. If you're worried that this will cost you in kind, it will, but then it is food we're talking about so let's get the priorities in order. Besides, with Jupiter in Gemini and your solar twelfth house in saccharine sextile to Venus, the office junior will cover for you, but then she'll win lotto the next week, take off for foreign climes and marry in the Mediterranean without giving anyone a cent from her winnings (especially you! Shit! And after all you've done for her too!). Venus the goddess remains in your solar tenth house until the end of the month as she's in reverse motion until the third week of April. Make sure you don't lend lunch money to any of your work mates, otherwise you won't see it for a while, but then that will give you something to moan about besides your waistline and your mortgage repayments.
As April begins, Mercury the messenger is in Pisces and your solar ninth house, just separating from a square with mighty Mars the warrior. Don't make any calls from work to relatives overseas unless you want the office nag to start a row and dob you in. In the meantime, keep working on that five volume fantasy series you've been trying to write. With any luck, you might just finish the introduction to volume one by the time the messenger moves into Aries and your solar tenth house in the second week of April, calling your attention back to work and the unreasonable demands of an aggressive and irritating public. Perhaps you should just sulk around the place until the end of the third week of April when the great Sol Invicti moves into Taurus and your solar eleventh house. Then you can get together with all your hidebound, xenophobic friends and discuss the decline of traditional values, the merits of public execution and the glorious new waves of nationalism and jingoistic politics (George Bush isn't half as stupid as he looks, but then nobody could be).
As the fourth week of the month commences, Venus the goddess moves forward again so you might just get that lunch money back if you really put the pressure on (you've still got the list of the names and amounts, haven't you!). Saturn, the lord of fateful reward moves into Gemini and your solar twelfth house at the same time. You'll probably feel like withdrawing a bit and your list of imaginary illnesses could grow even longer. Don't forget to include something related to the nervous system and the extremities! With Mars the warrior loose in your solar sixth house for the whole of the month, you might well need a new form of hypochondria to get away from the irritating and loud-mouthed colleagues at work. Generally, this means everyone in the food chain above you who orders you around and everyone beneath you who won't do what you tell them. With Jupiter in Gemini moving forward in your solar twelfth house, you might try looking for the meaning of life to fill in time on the weekends. If you find it, just let someone know, will you? There's a few of us here who could use a good laugh!
FULL MOON: This comes on April 8th in the sign of Libra and your solar fourth house so if your kids don't hate you before then, they will by the end of the day.
NEW MOON: This comes in Taurus and your solar eleventh house on April 23rd, Sun and Moon making a square to nebulous Neptune in Aquarius in your solar eighth house. If you've got any genuinely dodgy mates in the money game, this is the time to turn your dough over to them so you can look forward to a lifetime of regret at your losses through your naiveté and their dishonesty
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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