Asperitus Casting Runes...
|
-
Greetings, you odious sons and daughters of a sea urchin! Welcome to the month of miserable March and much pleasure may you have of it. May your days be filled with the sulking and moodiness for which your unutterable sign is justly famous! May your nights be filled with romantic dreams that never come true! May these be followed by midnight visits to the refrigerator, bringing on the kind of nightmares that come from eating too much cheese on toast! And, of course, may all such things take place within the comfort and sanctity of your own miserable little home where you fly your nation's flag and electrify your barbed wire fences to hold at bay the unspeakable horrors that lurk in the outer darkness, threatening home invasion. Enough of this! We hereby move from the sublime (my criticism) to the ridiculous (your lives) as we fire the engines to launch this month's round of vile prognostications! Behold the bitter truth, you things of too too solid shell and far too sensitive flesh!
Giant Jupiter in your sign is moving forward as the month gets underway. Thus, you'll find yourselves growing and changing with each passing day, becoming better human beings and more rounded as people, especially if food is involved in the growth process. You may even learn new things by reading the labels on packets and collecting the cards in cereal boxes.
As mighty Mars is in Taurus and your solar eleventh house, you may start hanging around with a bevy of male friends and neglect your family. However, since you're actually in some faraway land, under the watchful eye of a seedy individual named Black Tooth, singing dolphin songs in a burial ground because of a nuclear holocaust that supposedly took place in 10,000 BC, none of the above may actually apply. Well, apart from the fact that the FULL MOON in Libra and your solar fourth house will see you carted off to a sanitarium back at home for obvious reasons.
Great Heavens, little irritating sea creatures! I've given away the plot! Now you know what happens at the end of the month when we've only just begun. Oh well! You'll simply have to suffer the boredom of knowing the outcome and the frustration of arriving at a foregone conclusion. It's a pattern you're familiar with anyway. Read on! When the great Sol Invicti clashes with underworld Pluto, you've been in the graveyard for days, singing the ridiculous songs suggested by the shade of a psychic sea traveller, the one with the lymphatic condition. You're weary, worn out and sick, and your fellow shamanic students have abandoned you, being bored out of their minds. Black Tooth has absconded with your credit card to get drunk at the nearest hostelry. As Mercury the messenger in Aquarius conjoins with revolutionary Uranus, your funds (unbeknownst to yourself) are now severely depleted. With Venus the goddess in Aries and wrestling with giant Jupiter, well-meaning individuals from the social services come to the graveyard, acting on complaints from the residents nearby. Actually, their complaints were about your appalling singing but the Noise Abatement Authority didn't have enough decibels to act on.
Come the NEW MOON in Pisces and your solar ninth house, you fall into an ecstatic trance and the well-meaning officials presume you've been taking drugs. Mighty Mars squares mystic Neptune and a psychiatric assessment takes place at a nearby home for the bewildered. As the Equinox comes and the great Sol Invicti moves into Aries and your solar tenth house, angry officials demand you be returned to your native land immediately. Then, when Mercury the messenger wrestles underworld Pluto while the great Sol Invicti readies himself for a clash with giant Jupiter, you're bundled aboard an aircraft, suitably restrained in limb but ranting of the fearful visions that your spiritual experience has visited upon you.
The FULL MOON brings your tragic arrival at the foregone conclusion. Mercury in Aries sees you at the mercy of a nerve specialist and surgeon who believes he has developed a revolutionary technique to treat your tragic condition. Que'l horreur, little crabs! Will it be the knife then strife for the rest of your life? Or will something else happen? Yawn!
|
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
|
