Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, quivering crustaceans! And how are you all, my little nitwits of the nipper? No, don't answer that! I have no desire to know. I only asked for form's sake! Now, as to the doings of fatuous February, I hereby prognosticate! A New Moon comes on the first day of the month in odious Aquarius and your solar eighth house. You will doubtless be starting a new venture by misusing funds from a family trust or consorting with eccentric women, transsexuals or people of indeterminate gender in houses of ill-repute. With both Mercury the messenger and Venus the goddess in Capricorn and your solar seventh house for a time, you will have meaningful discussions about responsibility and the importance of traditional values with your loved ones, a practice sickeningly common in your household.
As mighty Mars conjoins with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar sixth house, you'll either have a health crisis or start a punch-up or a sexual liaison with a foreign co-worker. When the Full Moon comes in Leo as the great Sol Invicti conjoins with revolutionary Uranus, you'll find that overspending by or because of a female will cause you to make an unusual financial arrangement, probably with loan shark called Lars. As giant Jupiter opposes mystic Neptune at this time, you will most certainly misread the situation, make all the wrong decisions and end up with higher than usual stress levels. As Mercury the messenger, now in Aquarius, conjoins with mystic Neptune, you'll begin to hear the voices once again. You'll then consult a therapist, also called Lars. But, as mighty Mars opposes sober Saturn, you'll begin talking to yourself, decide that it's a highly effective form of therapy (especially as you only have to pay yourself) and thus go completely mad. But guess what, little crab-type things? You'll fit right into this benighted universe ruled by insane gods. And, when giant Jupiter moves into asinine Virgo later this year, you'll probably become very famous doing something terribly useful for a nit-picking gaggle of imbeciles (the human race) too stupid to know what's good for them.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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