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    Go Back  The Jittery Journeys of March 2004  Go Forward
    Hooray to you, my little nitwits of the nipper! How is the hard shell of your miserable life this month? Sufficiently neurotic, I trust! Let's go further then! Let's be not afraid of heartache and suffering! Nay! Let us set our sights for the very alimentary tract of sublime irritation. Oh, but I forget myself! You already dwell therein. So, let us instead meander through the vile and bitter prognostications for morbid March.

    And here they are! The I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT CHICKEN church of vodun was showing promising signs when we left you last month as you sought to take a tiny local franchise and convert it to a global empire. As vamping Venus enters cloddish Taurus, you mobilize associates and sundry connections to advance your situation. Come the Full Moon in unspeakable Virgo, one that cavorts in unseemly fashion with Mercury and Jupiter, the publicity machine goes into action.

    Miserable Saturn moves forward once again. Mischievous Mercury clashes with underworld Pluto and I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT CHICKEN churches open world wide, with handily placed franchise stores doing a roaring trade as hungry worshippers promenade to the counters, the beating of drums still fresh in their ears. This is going to be the 'fast food' sensation of the era. Perhaps you'll call yourselves Kernel Crustacean! This is a joke based on the fact that nuts provide the primary protein in your product. But what's this, little seafood dinners! Quelle horreur! The cosmic winds fart obscenely in the general direction of your endeavours. Mischievous Mercury enters arrogant Aries, closing in on miserable Saturn. The great Sol Invicti kicks the backside of underworld Pluto and then runs away screaming! Uproar erupts across the land in an unmannerly manner! You forgot, my dear little wet-skinned twerps, that vodun is a religion abhorrent to some and not simply a marketing ploy for you to make a fortune. The Christian world is up in arms! Your worshippers are beaten! Churches are burned and songs of the saviour are sung devoutly somewhere between the beatings and the burnings. Great gods alive and dead! This is all going wrong!

    Come a New Moon and the Equinox in arrogant Aries, it's hard to tell if this is business or war. Marauding Mars moves into Gemini and your solar twelfth house and your place of business is under siege. As this same unspeakable cosmic body clashes with idiot Uranus, rioters riot! Maffickers maffick! And the streets are ablaze with a religious war. You feverishly begin to check your insurance, but something worse than fire and riot is yet to come, little crab type ninnies! Click here next month and see what that might be!

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