Asperitus Casting Runes...
- Hola to you, my darling little crab type things! Welcome to the month of jaded June! And what a month it is, chock full (as per usual) with the vile and bitter prognostications (made by myself, Asperitus) that determine the crustacean destiny, as well as the destinies of the other eleven odious signs.
We shall not shilly shally! We shall not dilly dally! We shall carry on with the fates appointed to us in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods! There you were (last month as it happens) on the verge of a new and almost beatific venture, clothes pegs carved in the form of religious icons with which the families of the world may hang out their holy washing. Perhaps later on you could reintroduce the scrubbing board and the copper, brought back to new life years after their tragic demise.
Thus, with miserable Saturn in your sign and jolly Jupiter in carping Virgo will you rebuild the sterling traditions of an elder world! The Full Moon comes in loathsome Sagittarius and you have an epiphany (look it up in the dictionary) whilst you hang out your newly washed stuffed toys with pegs in the form of St Francis of Assisi.
You can advertise your wares yourself! Do one of those of those ghastly campaigns where you laud your own product and its beneficent effects on your life against a backdrop of waving washing and a clear mountain stream. You might even buy yourself a rural retreat and practice smiling at the camera in that irritating manner practiced by idiot persons who believe that success is an attitudinal matter. With Venus eclipsing the great Sol Invicti and retrograde in your solar twelfth house, you go ahead with these ideas.
A raft of ghastly planets make affray in the Heavens on the road to the New Moon in lunatic Gemini and thus you see yourself as a manufacturing and the head of a new cult of the quiet and simple spirit.
Mischievous Mercury charges into your sign and leads the great Sol Invicti to the Solstice and you’re bursting with creative ideas. You design a set of clothes pegs in the shape of St Anthony of Padua to which washers, distressed by the loss of a favourite item, may pray for its return. Marauding Mars crashes into Leo and your solar second house and you get set to make some real money. Mischievous Mercury and miserable Saturn meet in your sign and the plans are set in motion. Vamping Venus goes direct and your face is set to launch the new business, ‘pegs of devotion’.
Will it succeed? Or will it be yet another miserable failure to add to the rest! Time will tell, my crustacean ninnies! Farewell for now!