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 Asperitus Casting Runes... |
Tally ho and yoicks, little seafood miseries! Welcome to another episode of the interminable tale of your unspeakable sign, as you triumph again over the self-created tragedies that dog your ‘nipper steps’ on the trail of tears that is your pointless existence. For this is the ‘Pegs of Devotion’ and I am Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth. This is also the biggest load of piffle you’ll ever read in your lives, until next month when I trust I will do better. I proceed and none will refute me! Say me ‘nay’ but I listen not! Wail and moan but I attend you not! Rend your garments and you will simply have to buy new ones. Plead to the Heavens only to find they are populated by insane gods (drunk as usual) and myself, paragon of sublime irritation. I prognosticate herewith on the bitter truth for joyless July! The Full Moon comes in odious Capricorn and, due to the successful launch of the pegs of devotion, your useless family, relatives and various hangers-on arrive at your country retreat, ready to feed in vampire fashion from the lifeblood of your latest accomplishment. But this time you’re well prepared for the event. In-laws you consign immediately to distant country cottages where they will, for board, lodging and a reasonable pittance, carve the pegs that are the lynch pin of your burgeoning empire. Mischievous Mercury enters Leo and you begin the requisite discussions about money with blood relatives to ensure they will be doing something to earn their keep. The great Sol Invicti conjoins with miserable Saturn in your sign and we know you are serious about making a fortune from the grim cast of your distinctly crustacean features. You open your mouth and make what would pass for a smile among the blind. You throw back your head and emit a sound that may pass for a laugh among the hearing impaired, but would probably freeze the blood of any sensate creature. And all this because, as mischievous Mercury and marauding Mars cavort in unseemly manner with the Lunar Nodes, you decide on drastic action. So-called friends and past associates down on their luck have turned up in droves. However, things have changed in your world. In a mysterious manner, such names as they possess appear on the payroll, but their persons are nowhere to be found, though there are some odd noises occasionally heard from the cellar in the old manse on your extensive acreage. But no one ever goes there, for the locals believe it to be haunted. If it wasn’t before it will be soon, for this is a more determined crab than we have ever seen (grim Saturn in your sign). All this nefarious activity is due to tension with vamping Venus, jolly Jupiter and underworld Pluto. The great Sol Invicti enters Leo and the money rolls in. Mischievous Mercury enters irritating Virgo and there you are, little seafood miseries, on television and the worldwide web, the public face of the guru of the cult of the country calm, speaking with quiet assurance on the healing powers of a simple life and the pegs of devotion. Tragic Saturn and jolly Jupiter set the Heavens groaning with their advance on underworld Pluto. And, as the Full Moon comes (a blue moon, for it’s the second of the month) in lunatic Aquarius, the coffers of the world open their lids and money rolls in via the worldwide financial conspiracy, in which you are once again a joyful participant. Can it get any better than this? Click here next month and see, little crab type things! Ta! Ta! |
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