Asperitus Casting Runes...
Salutations, you skinny and miserable goatish nonentities! Welcome to the month of jaded January and, indeed, to the year of 2002. We left you last time about to launch yourself into a new journey, one where you become a little flower of sweetness and light whose delicacy of bloom and perfume will leave the world a better place for its presence. And, of course, with Chiron the wounded healer in your sign as the year begins, you are on a mission to find out just what part of your drab personality it is that may offer solace to the downtrodden or bring a healing draft to the sick.
Ye gods, little goats! Are you going to turn into the wretched sign of Pisces, dampening the countryside with tears of sympathy and exquisite suffering? Are you to become a modern day miracle of loaves and fishes? Egad! The prospect is too gruesome to bear without medication. Enough of this mindless drivel! Let us proceed instead to the vile and bitter prognostications that flow from the oracle of bitter truth, Asperitus, myself!
As the year begins, unless you are troubled by contretemps in traffic, revolutionary outrages, meteorological disasters or death threats from siblings or neighbours, you will proceed with your plans. These (if you have been keeping up that is) are to beautify the tea trolley and revive those distant memories (from a past life) of what it feels like to be nice to other people.
Your first task is to find the means to school yourself in the arts of sympathy and niceness, a daunting exercise in personal transformation for you miserable bearded butting types. With giant Jupiter in Cancer and your solar seventh house, opposing the great Sol Invicti and Venus the goddess in your sign, you decide to employ a teacher to help you discover the manner requisite for the irritating do-gooder. This teacher turns out to be a Mediterranean person of an entirely predictable nature. She/he shouts at you one moment, weeps over you the next, falls in love with you in the next moment then threatens, in a voice of venomous fury, to kill you if you do anything displeasing. As you are of a sombre disposition, this makes your initial encounter disturbing. However, as Mercury the messenger then enters Aquarius and your solar second house, you find yourself on more familiar turf as the financial side of this is negotiated. Then, with Venus the goddess still in your solar first house, this new teacher then sets about helping you to find the proper style of dress, facial expression and tone of voice to convey a sense of the milk of human kindness, despite your natural insensitivity. As they say, little goats! The key to it all is sincerity! Once you can fake that, you have it made.
As Venus the goddess and the great Sol Invicti conjoin in your sign on the way to a NEW MOON, you feel yourself being subtly changed into a new human being. You hum as you go about your business. You stop and smile at people in the street without once assessing the collective value of the car, their clothes and any items of jewelry they're wearing. You say 'please' and 'thank you' and laugh aloud at other people's jokes even when you're think they're boring or don't get them. However, when you decide to take first next run with the tea trolley and a laundered image, it comes under the irritating auspices of mighty Mars wrestling with the Lunar Nodes. Thus, despite your best efforts to underline the 'human' element of your status as a human being, the patients at the hospital still scowl at your arrival and hurl cups and sugar spoons at your departing figure. Ye gods, little goats! Perhaps your sour disposition is a karmic matter and thus beyond your control! Regardless of any philosophical speculations you may have on this theme, you simply give up this lunatic course you've chosen and decide to take revenge. Mighty Mars moves into Aries and Mercury the messenger moves into a retrograde (reverse motion) cycle. You come out of hiding briefly, get together with a few of your cronies in the financial world and raise enough capital to buy the hospital premises so you can convert it into a luxury apartment house.
As a large group of heavenly bodies then moves into the odious sign of Aquarius and your solar second house to oppose the FULL MOON in Leo and your solar eighth house, the next cup of tea you deliver to the patients comes with a notice of eviction. But, dear little goatish type things, the messenger is backwards and mighty Mars challenges giant Jupiter in Cancer and your solar seventh house! Is this the end of the story or just the end of act one in an ongoing drama? Click here next month and see.
TIP FOR 2002: In May, when sober Saturn and underworld Pluto clash for the third and final time, the heavenly council and all the other eleven signs will vote to have your odious goatish sign and it's depressing ruler, Saturn, eliminated entirely from the Zodiac belt. Thus, what happens after that time will not concern you! This means you will miss out on a particularly profitable transit of giant Jupiter through Leo and what was once your solar eighth house. Oh dear!
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes