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    Go Back  The Irksome Journeys of October 2003    Go Forward
    Greetings, goatish tragedies! Welcome to ominous October and the vile and bitter prognostications thereof!

    Last month we left you set to learn the art of being nice to people. Of course, this is only so you can exploit them more fully, but the skills of such a practice are nonetheless a challenge to you denizens of the miserable realm of sober Saturn. Thus, you act in accord with normal practice and hire someone to teach you what you need to know. No doubt this will be an insufferable air sign nitwit who blithers on about everything without ever coming to a conclusion about anything and is also terrified of conflict.

    And, as the great Sol Invicti clashes with sober Saturn and cranky Chiron, so it proves to be. In no time at all, this decadent imbecile teaches you to speak as though you care about things, dress in an array of gaudy garments that suggest the triumph of style over content is a hollow victory and, finally, to laugh idiotically as though everything anyone says is remarkably amusing. It's important to note this last endeavour only comes with considerable discomfort, stretching your usually wooden facial muscles to dimensions hitherto unreached in a painful gymnastic exercise. Even a smile involving the movement of both lips is a disquieting endeavour.

    By the Full Moon in odious Aries, you've had several temper tantrums in the privacy of your boudoir. As a consequence, you redecorate in keeping with the new wardrobe, an unfortunate act that proves to be yet another savage indictment of the worthlessness of contemporary interior design, despite the insistence of your mentor that your home needed to be more 'guest friendly'.

    A raft of disquieting planetary aspects too tedious to recount now finds you organizing a function to launch the new image that will replace the mantle of tedium and depression once worn by all goatish tragedies. Will it work? If you're unnerved by strange sounds as you read these lines, it is the gods sniggering in their ample sleeves. However, you're known for nothing if not bloody-minded determination so we shall proceed.

    The great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger move into gloomy Scorpio, bringing the New Moon in that imbecilic sign. The feast is set but the guests are not yet met as you wait anxiously to see how the new 'you' will fair. My god, little goatish tragedies! This may be a makeover such as will get you on Oprah!

    But what's this? Disaster strikes! Mercury the messenger works mischief with nasty Neptune and, on looking through the open doors, everyone you've invited fails to recognize the smiling, stylishly dressed individual as you and so wanders away, believing they're at the wrong venue. Sober Saturn moves backwards and you sink into a deep depression, the great occasion in ruins. The new image falls away. The old 'you' stands naked, revealed.

    So, we can't escape our fates after all! What a miserable Halloween for you! You wander off into the sunset, disconsolate, looking more dreary than usual. Do email me if anyone actually spots the difference. In the meantime, goatish types! Ta! Ta!

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