Asperitus Casting Runes...
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- Ho to you, goatish types! Ho to your nasty knobby knees and your stringy little beards! Last month we left you running for your lives. This month? Well, for a start I'm late with the forecast but then lugubrious Saturn, your ruler and prime contender for 'the most miserable thing in the galaxy' award (which he wins every year) is also the ruler of delay, so what have you to complain about? Anyway, you haven't missed much!
Mischievous Mercury moved into your odious sign, causing you to complain about your dire situation and ask passers-by for directions. Vamping Venus clashed with lugubrious Saturn, causing an unfortunate contretemps with an elderly woman you ran into on the streets. Come the Full Moon in idiot Gemini, you're hopelessly lost and take refuge in a small shop up a lane selling bus tickets and tourist information. You have no idea where your nemesis is, but the steely blue eyes will be peeled and searching for you and you alone, little goatish miseries!
By my little brown bottle, I can see them myself! You flee in terror from the shop and find yourself in the midst of a religious demonstration. This event is brought about (as you will know) by the unseemly union of the great Sol Invicti and underworld Pluto clashing with jolly Jupiter. An aging holy man clutches you as you try to pass through the crush. With burning dark eyes, he looks deep into your eyes until you go weak at the knees (a sore point with you anyway).
As marauding Mars enters arrogant Aries, he lifts you up and carries you to his temple (every holy man worth his salt has one). As mischievous Mercury goes backwards, you pour out your tragic tale to this mystic being, then go on to bear your bosom of all the dark secrets haunting your inmost selves. As the great Sol Invicti moves into your sign, bringing a predictably miserable New Moon, the holy man offers you refuge so you may hide from this nemesis.
You accept, beginning to wonder what you're doing with your life when you must hide away from the machinery of a television program you have planned and put into action. You eat a humble Christmas dinner among newfound associates. But the very next day, knobby-kneed ninnies, the jig is up!
Marauding Mars clashes with mischievous Mercury and your lair is discovered. The doors crash open! Aargh! The temple is violated! Eek! The steely blue eyes of your nemesis fix you in their sights, intent upon snuffing out your wretched existence. But, in turn, burning dark ones fix on them. The power of the holy man sends the assassin back to the streets, screaming with fear. Then your holy man grips you with fingers of steel, staring into your eyes. As idiot Uranus returns to tear-stained Pisces and Mercury re-enters lunatic Sagittarius, you have a religious experience where you fall to the floor speaking in tongues. Should you wish to know if you say anything interesting (a first!), kindly come back next month as I'm tired and must rest now.
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 Aries, the Ram
 Taurus, the Bull
 Gemini, the Twins
 Cancer, the Crab
 Leo, the Lion
 Virgo, the Virgin
 Libra, the Scales
 Scorpio, the Scorpion
 Sagittarius, the Archer
 Capricorn, the Sea Goat
 Aquarius, the Water Bearer
 Pisces, the Fishes
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