Asperitus Casting Runes...
- Greetings, goatish tragedies! It is I, Asperitus! The oracle of bitter truth! Weep and tremble as I prognosticate upon your dire and doom-filled destiny for the coming year.
Miserable Saturn is in neurotic Cancer as proceedings get underway. Thus elderly relatives or infirm partners will be a burden, infesting your home and spending your money on food, walking frames and expensive medications. In some instances, you may simply pay them to keep quiet so as to have some peace from their incessant moaning and complaint. Such a strategy would work quite well with me, let it be noted. However, marauding Mars in insufferable Aries clashes with Saturn from the year's outset, so the aforementioned elderly folk will constantly fight with the young people or aggressive males that hover around your domicile.
With jolly Jupiter in idiot Virgo, you deal with the tension by moving to Greece and starting a business, making shoddy but expensive souvenirs to sell at the Olympic Games. Once there, in an effort to break the depressing boundaries set by your miserable and inhibited nature, you learn the art of gesticulation, a practice favoured by persons of the Greek persuasion. You may even learn to shout while drinking Ouzo or that insufferable bilge they have the gall to call red wine. You may write a book called THE ART OF GESTICULATION. You publish this just in time for the Games so as to assist visiting foreigners who know nothing of local custom.
However, as fate would have it (and it usually does) tragedy strikes. Back home, your aggressive children burn down the house in order to get rid of the sponging elderly folk, thus leaving you with massive bills that bankrupt your business. However, as fate would once again have it, good fortune comes from bad.
As jolly Jupiter moves into odious and decadent Libra, you flee to a monastery in Tibet to find spiritual solace. There you make commitment to a high lama in order to find yourself. Yet again, good fortune turns to bad as you discover that, due to myopia, you misread the contract and the lama you're committed to is actually spelt llama and is of the hairy and four-legged variety.
Once again however, bad fortune turns to good as you're so depressed, you can't be bothered to talk or listen to anyone anyway so a silent animal makes a fair companion. Thus, you mount your teacher and ride off to the snow-clad hills in the distance, wondering vaguely why your life is such a miserable and depressing affair. Ask Saturn, little goatish tragedies! But don't expect an answer! Tao tao for now!