Asperitus Casting Runes...
- Greetings, goatish miseries! As we closed the curtain on last month's lugubrious doings, you delivered a tirade on compassion and forgiveness to a rag tag and bobtail gathering of bitter elderly relatives and ungrateful ex-partners. Those of us awake here in Heaven (and that's not many) were moved to curl the lip in maidenly laughter at these odd antics of yours.
Remember though, little goatish miseries! We were laughing at you, not with you. Will your doings prove to be risible once again this month? Unlikely! But then, in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods, one never knows. Best just to venture forth and see what morbid March and the vile and bitter prognostications thereof will bring!
So, tally ho and here we go! Mischievous Mercury and the great Sol Invicti hover inanely in opposition to mischievous Mercury as the echoes of your impassioned speech fall on largely deaf ears, though one ancient in-law mops her wrinkled brow. With vamping Venus in Taurus as well as marauding Mars, you throw in the towel with this spiritual business and concentrate on speculative ventures and having sex. This trend continues until the Full Moon in unspeakable Virgo when a communication comes from overseas inviting you to go to Greece and set up a souvenir manufacturing business in time for the Athens Olympics (just as I predicted).
You'll be making plastic walnuts containing replicas of the Olympic Village and 'Parthenon' music boxes that will play the Olympic theme song that's to be composed by Britney Spears. Stirring Stuff and in keeping with the spirit of noble competition for which fiascos of this nature are generally known. As ghastly planets fart in the cosmic winds, you tell the gaggle of elderly relatives and ex-lovers they can look after themselves and board a plane for the Mediterranean.
As vamping Venus clashes with nasty Neptune, there's the usual bit of funny business with money that will ensure you make a fortune as long as no one in a position of authority can talk through the brown paper envelopes with which you provide will them. The Equinox brings a New Moon in arrogant Aries and you make a new home in a foreign land. Miserable Saturn clashes with the great Sol Invicti and you ensure the relatives are penned in back at home with security guards and a shark-filled moat. Marauding Mars moves into Gemini and you're down to work as soon as possible.
However, as Mars clashes with idiot Uranus you find yourself frustrated by language difficulties, lack of cooperation from the locals and wage disputes with workers. In no time at all, you're gesticulating wildly over the drachma conversion rate and wrangling over the cost of a Grecian 'earn'! All in a day's work for you, little goatish miseries! Ta! Ta!