Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Salutations, you flock of goatish things! I have to say that this month is just another typical example of the curse of your sign. Each month the stargazers, both intrepid (everyone else) and jaundiced (myself) look to the Heavens to see what grim and grisly fate awaits us all. And, each month, what do we find? Yet again, Saturn, lord of fateful reward is the engineer of some harsh and unforgiving human misery. And, when it comes to matters of Saturn, to whom must we look in order to apportion blame? Why the goats, of course! For, in case you haven't been keeping up, Saturn is the ruling planet for the race of dull and feeble-minded bureaucrats that we know as those ruled by the sign of Capricorn.
Now, why don't you do something about this planet of yours before the rest of us put together a petition to the heavenly council demanding that you be removed entirely from the Zodiac? There! The die is cast and the gauntlet thrown in your angular, bearded faces! Something must be done about Saturn, or you goats will have to answer to a higher power. On that score, you goats may not have to worry as the likelihood of a higher power bothering itself with the events that transpire on this out of the way backwater is minimal indeed. Persons such as myself can only live on in the hope that some irritable god may find us sufficiently offensive as to send a cosmic storm or rogue asteroid to snuff out this seemingly interminable existence. Ah well! I suppose I had better get on with your monthly forecast as I can think of nothing else to merit my seedy attentions.
Awful August begins with yet another Saturn encounter. The lord of fateful reward is wrestling with underworld Pluto, stirring up strife in your solar sixth and twelfth houses. Thus, it's fairly likely that you're so busy working all the hours that god sends that your health is suffering and your spiritual life is nowhere as usual. When Venus the goddess moves into the sign of Cancer and your solar seventh house, it's likely that partners or close associates will demand your attention so they'd better be prepared to provide food or sex or both in return. Otherwise there'll be trouble, won't there, little goatish things! When the FULL MOON comes on August 4th, the brothel you have recently purchased shows all the required signs of doing well. Your finances will be on the improve and you'll be able to reduce sex to a simple transaction, thus saving you all the frustration of dealing with loved ones who (annoyingly) seem to expect communication and sympathetic responses once they've fulfilled your desires. When giant Jupiter conjoins with Venus the goddess in Cancer and your solar seventh house, the remaining family members who can still be bothered with you seek legal advice in order to try and get some redress for years of neglect and ill-usage. Oh well, you'll just hire a team of lawyers and fight it out.
It's a familiar saying that what goes up must come down and so it is with the goatish financial department this month. Mercury the messenger opposes revolutionary Uranus on August 10th, bringing ructions with money as a fight in the brothel between irate customers generates the need for an expensive refurbishment. Sell a few more slaves and you'll make it up in no time! However, your troubles are not over yet. As Mercury the messenger moves into Virgo and your solar ninth house on August 14th, news comes through from overseas that a consortium of fundamentalist terrorists have sworn a suicide pact as they pursue their mission to wipe the slave trade from the face of the earth. Your financiers are among the first of their targets. Get nervous, goatish ones! Life is real and, currently, quite upsetting as the great Sol Invicti and revolutionary Uranus conspire to throw a spanner in the works of your business interests.
When the NEW MOON comes in Leo and your solar eighth house, you're wondering if you should withdraw from any of the current dealings that might directly or indirectly lead to your demise. Even you can't spend a good profit return if you're recently deceased. Fateful aspects loom in the Heavens, little goats! Make your choices. As Mercury the messenger challenges underworld Pluto, Chiron the wounded healer and mighty Mars in turn, you might find yourself the target for sniper fire, car bombs and some particularly nasty emails in a terrifying foreign language. Could it be time for a change, dear goatish ones! What do you think? With giant Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens making his supercilious way through the sign of Cancer and your solar seventh house, you might think of consulting a priest or marrying a lawyer. You might need both of them to get out of this one.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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