Hola to you, hircine horrors! Last time, you were flagellating about the place in a desperate effort to pay for past sins. I can't remember quite how or why you set out on this ridiculous course. I believe it had something to do with Moses, plagues, llamas and the naughtiness of humanity. If you're really interested to know, kindly read the recent forecasts (without falling asleep as I often do) and try to keep up in future.
Now, as I'm late (as usual) with this month's undertaking, I suppose we had better get on with it. It is manic March, tiny lunatics! And these are the vile and bitter prognostications that pertain thereto. Already mischievous Mercury has slipped a quick one into dark Pluto, the underworld god, and then moved into perverse reverse. Thus, we find you whacking yourself soundly with the lash in a public street whilst moaning (naturally) and also wittering on about guilt and responsibility and all those other ghastly and burdensome things your depressing sign specializes in. As jolly Jupiter interferes with the private parts of narcotic Neptune, people passing in the street throw money, believing this to be a theatrical performance. Friends however turn away, crossing to the other side of the road but as this is what they normally do when encountering you in public, we shall not remark on it especially.
Vamping Venus now returns to idiot Aquarius and you pocket the coins and fluttering notes hurled in your direction. Thus we can see that penitence has not as yet impaired the basic functions of your gross materialism. Marauding Mars clashes with Uranus, the idiot god, and you add variation to your 'lash' technique that increases the sense of spectacle for the casual observer. Vamping Venus lasciviously conjoins with cranky Chiron and a ghastly Full Moon in aggravating Virgo brings a Lunar Eclipse to your solar ninth house and you add fake blood for effect and a little makeup to give you a 'pale and wasted look'. As ghastly planets fart and fornicate fantastically in the gutters of Heaven, your next turn on the streets scarifies beyond belief. The terrified marks throw money then scatter in fear at your approach.
As the great Sol Invicti clatters into addlepate Aries, visiting another Equinox on an already overburdened world, you purchase a cottage, suitably distressed to match your new status as beggar and flagellant. You even acquire a couple of devotees (Venus conjoined with Neptune) that sit at the door of same, looking dewy-eyed and willing in a suitably devotional manner. Mischievous Mercury turns direct and it seems that what began as penitence has soon become a professional accomplishment that may now begin to form a cult.
By all the gods, my little goatish miseries! A New Moon now comes in odious Aries, bringing a Solar Eclipse to your house of home, family and emotion. There and then, you decide to put aside your past, your identity (such as it is) and all your family tree and ties and so form a cult of flagellation, with you as it's miserable yet imposing leader! Eek! Egad! Gadzooks! And other such quaint expressions to indicate surprise and alarm! Will you flourish as the leader of a bloody cult? Or will this be another misbegotten failure?
Why not click here next month and see! I probably have nothing better to do than write this garbage. You certainly have nothing better to do than read it. So, for the nonce, hail and farewell, my lugubrious absurdities! Ta! Ta!