Asperitus Casting Runes...
Still having difficulties with the truth while you sell under-performing trash at over-priced rates? With Mercury the messenger in Pisces as the month begins, you could be at your premium best, twisting the naked truth until it can be hammered into a shape that will service your massive credit card debt.
You'll be scheming and fast-talking as never before (not since last week anyway). It'll be Viagra Plus for centenarians, a massive export of 'seconds' water wings to Mozambique and a share issue in a company building mobile phone towers on the Moon. With Mars in Sagittarius in your solar fourth house, you might even think of selling the children into domestic service in a mysterious eastern kingdom (if you get the right offer). All this whilst writing an exclusive for New Idea on the secret scandal behind Tom and Nicole's marriage break-up (doubtless due to Tom's illicit affair with Fergie or Nicole's with Prince William).
Add to this falsifying the gst returns and having late night dalliance with the CEO's son (or daughter) or your brother's (or sister's) new spouse (select sex according to gender or preference or both). Put it down as a typically busy month. And just because giant Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens is in your sign, you think you can get away with it. Well, two-faces! Here's the news! Saturn, the lord of fateful reward is coming to get you! But more of that later.
The great Sol Invicti and Venus the goddess meet in Aries and your solar eleventh house as April begins, guaranteeing your charm won't desert you. Mercury the messenger joins them there in the second week of the month. You'll be the darling at everyone's party (as usual) and, if popular success is worth what you think it is, then you'll be happy in your superficial way.
However, our universe is the domain of mixed blessings, so there's good news and bad news. Both Mars the warrior and Chiron, the wounded healer, have been raising hell in Sagittarius and your solar seventh house of marriage and partnership. They will have brought rows and fights (Mars) with the love of your life (seventh house, current edition), forcing you to recall many painful childhood memories (Chiron). Such memories probably involved everything from the trauma of potty-training to being caught cheating in exams (being caught!) and perhaps just generally being told to shut up because people (normal people!) get sick of your endless talking. Or maybe there was that incident when you sold Smarties as uppers to the primary school kids down the road. Well, the news is that both Mars and Chiron are about to turn retrograde (Chiron in April, Mars in May) and go back to do it all again. That's the bad news! The good news is that with Pluto also in your solar seventh house, your partner might leave you and join a guerrilla group somewhere in West Africa so you can forget all that stuff and find someone who doesn't care about your past. Maybe you could just find someone who doesn't care full stop! The rest of us zodiac beasts think you'd be better off with another Gemini anyway.
The beginning of the fourth week of April brings all the surprises! The great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger move into Taurus and your solar twelfth house. You might end up being tired and confused enough to believe what you tell other people. Que'l horreur! At the same time Venus moves forward again so you'll have to come out of whatever social time warp you're caught in and face reality. As Venus proceeds, Saturn the lord of fateful reward moves into your sign, ensuring the past will catch up with you. Is that a heavy hand I hear knocking at the door? The police perhaps or the first in a long line of jilted ex-lovers and impoverished ex-business partners!
If you're at all interested (and you may not be after reading this character assassination as far as you have), the FULL MOON comes on April 8th in Aries and your solar eleventh house, bringing further social success at the cost of family ties (whatever!).
The NEW MOON comes on April 23rd in Taurus and your solar twelfth house, urging you to a new spiritual beginning. With the Moon sextile to the North Node in Cancer in your solar second house, you might take up a post serving food to the sheltered homeless on important calendar dates like Christmas and Easter, but I very much doubt it.
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes