Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, hideous air sign twits! Once again you are preparing to fall into the gap between your ears as fatuous February gets underway. If you remember the startling developments from last month, you were being carried off into the night by strong hands as two other sets of captors watched in dismay. Great Heavens, little two-faced objects! Is it possible there is yet a further group of outraged citizens that you have fallen foul of! No doubt about it! So let us not waste our time in petty insults. Let us proceed to the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of fatuous February.
As you are slung over a strong shoulder like a sack of second hand mobile phones, the thing that you're contemplating has little to do with the perilous straits you find yourself in. Strangely, you are wondering about the fears you've developed around your sexuality. As Chiron the wounded healer in Capricorn and your solar eighth house opposes giant Jupiter in Cancer and your solar second house, you wonder if your fears around sexual adequacy actually stem from a bitter sexual experience and accompanying financial loss in childhood. A certain uncle of yours, a stockbroker from Stockholm, used to perform provocative dances in a semi-clad state. Then, while making sexual overtures (which you of course resisted as he had wrinkled skin), he would steal the pocket money your parents had given you. This theft would come with an ominous warning that no one should ever be trusted. And the thing you have just remembered was a hidden factor in these bizarre but seemingly trivial encounters. Despite your repulsion at your uncle's advances, there was always a strange sense of sexual excitement that accompanied them. But, when he finally seized the money from you, he would humiliate you with derogatory words about your lack of sexual attractiveness and your inability to perform. Thus, you would be both broke and taunted about your sexual inadequacy. So, little two-faced wretches, you are wondering if your current penurious state has brought back to you the deep fears instilled by this childhood humiliation. And why are you wondering this? Because, slung over the shoulder of your masked captor, you feel those same telltale signs of sexual excitement. Ye gods! To what depths of perversion will you not sink? None that we know of so far! Read on!
As Mercury the messenger moves back to Capricorn and your solar eighth house, you finally begin to wonder whose clutches you are in as you are slung into a plane that takes off immediately. Doubtless it's someone else you owe money to. However, you suddenly discover this is not the case at all. Blindfolds and gags are removed. Knots are untied and masks are pulled back. This is no heartless captor and avenger standing before you. No! As Venus the goddess conjoins with revolutionary Uranus in your solar ninth house, you are dazzled by a proposal of marriage from a handsome stranger who has seen you only from afar (on one of your many overseas junkets no doubt). The words come with an accent of almost liquid beauty. As Mercury and sober Saturn move forward again, she/he explains (haltingly) that she/he came to rescue you from the clutches of villains. If you wish to go free, you may. But love and the moment have dazzled you!
Come the NEW MOON in Aquarius, conjoining with revolutionary Uranus, you consent to the marriage. As Venus the goddess moves into Pisces, you find your spouse-to-be is an individual of high estate in this, their own land, with all the accompanying wealth one might expect. As Mercury the messenger moves back into Aquarius, with that irritating facility for languages you have, you set about learning your lover's tongue. But when Venus the goddess then squares sober Saturn, you discover the long list of protocols you will have to keep as the spouse of a prominent person. And as the great Sol Invicti moves into Pisces, you also discover an even longer list of responsibilities you will need to fulfill in your new role. When Mercury the messenger conjoins with mystic Neptune, you begin to wonder if you've made the right decision. You're feeling frustrated and restless so when Venus the goddess squares underworld Pluto, you start surveying the household staff to see if there are any candidates for an extra-marital affair.
Finally, as the great Sol Invicti squares sober Saturn and your rosters for public duties are presented to you, you decide call off the wedding. After a tear-stained farewell, the FULL MOON finds you jetting back to your homeland with all thoughts of marriage to a handsome foreigner seeming like a distant dream. As Chiron the wounded healer wrestles with sober Saturn, you decide that you need to find a new therapist and see if you can make an end to these childhood memories of the uncle and your fears about sexual adequacy. Oh what wonderful lives you air sign nitwits lead! The rest of us can only look on with envy. Or is that incomprehension? I wonder.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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