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    Go Back  The Jittery Journeys of April 2004  Go Forward
    Hooray to you, nitwit children of the empty-headed, vapid winds of Heaven!

    Last month you absconded from the hospital and flew to far climes to begin life anew. Thus you go to Paris. However, as mischievous Mercury turns retrograde in cloddish Taurus and your solar twelfth house, you spend most of the flight talking to yourself, wondering aloud where your life is going. Strangely, none of your fellow passengers seem to care and keep telling you to shut up. However, as people are always telling you to shut up (regardless of the state of Mercury), you take no notice.

    Vamping Venus then moves into Gemini so you smile a lot and either win people over with your charm or are mistaken for an idiot. Come the Full Moon in neurotic Libra with odious aspects from marauding Mars and jolly Jupiter, you find yourself in the Frankish kingdom. There you earn a living as a pavement artist as you try to learn enough of the native tongue to begin your usual round of lies, cons and scams in order to establish yourself professionally.

    But what’s this, little airhead twerps? A foreign person offers you money for sex as you bend enticingly (bending and suppleness being a specialty of yours) over a picture of the Madonna and child you’ve been working on. After a quick negotiation on the price, there follows an equally speedy delivery of the required services. Soon you’re thinking that, with a little creative agility, you may be able to draw and deliver intimate relief at the same time, as you tend to get bored doing only one thing anyway.

    This career change is due to cranky Chiron in your solar eighth house of sex and death and a series of ghastly aspects with the great Sol Invicti and mischievous Mercury. You soon find a location where such practices are allowed, as almost everything is under French law, somewhere or other in France.

    Thus, at the New Moon in atrocious Aries, you take the name of Fou Fou or Jean Claude and establish your unique brand of services in the Rue de Nitwit. There you specialize in drawing landscapes with jagged edges and sharp contours for reasons that may become obvious if you give the matter some thought.

    As the great Sol Invicti plods into cloddish Taurus and marauding Mars and vamping Venus clash with underworld Pluto, you find yourself lost in nightmare of iniquity and vice, a creature of the demi monde and the plaything of those who have the francs to spend. Au revoir, little air sign twits! I hope you’ll be happy with April in Paris, little fools!

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