Asperitus Casting Runes...
Tally ho and yoicks, my empty-headed nitwits of the overactive tongue! Let us not waste time with the niceties of polite converse. Let us only proceed with the vile and bitter prognostications for manic May!
Last time we left you in the Rue de Nitwit plying your twin trades as pavement artist and hooker after you fled to Paris to escape mounting debt. But what’s this, little air sign idiots? There’s a Full Moon in morbid Scorpio, bringing a Lunar Eclipse to your solar sixth house so you decide to turn in your pavement chalks and concentrate on the oldest profession where there’s real money to be made. After all, cranky Chiron is travelling through your solar eighth house so you’re quite happy to use money as a salve for your sexual insecurities and inadequate toilet training.
The great Sol Invicti clashes with nasty Neptune and you begin learning enticing phrases in a variety of foreign languages, as the Rue de Nitwit is something of a cosmopolitan haunt. Jolly Jupiter moves direct and your new digs become a popular watering hole for local artists, writers, journalists and other such wastrels as haunt the twilight zone you now inhabit. Marauding Mars enters neurotic Cancer and you start raking in the dollars. Mischievous Mercury returns to Taurus and your solar twelfth house and you begin to fantasize a range of characters you can play on the streets to match the foreign phrases you’ve learned. As vamping Venus turns retrograde in your sign, you begin to enjoy playing these fantasy roles, finding them a relief from the gruelling ordeal of being yourself.
An odious New Moon comes in cloddish Taurus! The great Sol Invicti enters your unspeakable sign and you become a kind of sexual impressionist, allowing the marks to choose from a range of both fictional and real life characters with whom they can act out their fantasies and thus relieve their inmost tensions.
All is going well, little loquacious twerps, but it’s all about to change and take yet another dramatic turn, under the auspices of idiot Uranus. Said planetary body is in demented Pisces and your solar tenth house as he clashes with the great Sol Invicti in your sign. Thus you meet a fascinating client one evening who is so taken with the variety of different impressions you can do that the resulting bill is enough to put a serious dent in any platinum card. By the wee small hours, she/he is exhausted but so taken with your versatility that she/he offers you a job. It turns out the client is an impresario from Copenhagen and she/he wants you to work in his nightclub, doing your impressions and offering specialized services to a select clientele. Before you can say ‘two faces’, you’re off on a place to pastures new and working on your new act. But little do you realize, brainless ninnies, that vamping Venus clashes yet again with underworld Pluto. Thus there may be more to this than meets the eye, as there is definitely less to you. See you next month!