Asperitus Casting Runes...
So there you are, sitting in your favourite cafe (for this week anyway) talking on your mobile to your latest tease (for this week anyway) while you're halfway through a breakfast brainstorm with whatever internet/sales/multimedia group you're working with (for this week anyway) and what happens? Instead of bringing the skinny-cino (cinnamon not chocolate) and an iced doughnut like you ordered, that dumb waiter (no pun intended! ...well, not one that you'd get anyway) delivers a soy-latte and a toasted ham and cheese. Well! That move is so retro as to be totally insulting. Everyone knows ham and cheese is nowhere since they made 'Babe' sometime in the last century.
You eye him coldly and scornfully. He wilts before your commanding gaze (or perhaps he just sneers. It's so hard to tell!). You send the order back and, while putting the tease and the meeting on hold, you use your mobile to email the café manager (you recently had an affair with her/his ex so you know her/his address), requesting that she/he sack the dumb waiter. That taken care of, you sit and seethe about what happened until you forget what it was you were angry about because someone else said something really interesting about the new girl/guy who started in the office yesterday. Well, two faces! There you are at last, back at the office (you do go in sometimes) and thinking that such a retro encounter as that (if you could remember what it was) is going to be the low point of your month. How wrong could you be? Wrong and wronger, perhaps!
While the month of June is a joy from the outset for those who enjoy your sufferings (most of us, I think, but then it's human nature to revel in the misfortune of others), the fun really begins on June 4th. The great Sol Invicti, moving through your own sign, tests out Pluto (not Mickey's dog but the underworld ruler of the genitals and anus) in Sagittarius, bringing stresses, quarrels and instigating the circumstances for yet another break up (oh well!). And, on the selfsame day, Mercury the messenger (normally your best friend) moves into retrograde (reverse) motion and reveals all that you do for the shallow and confusing sham that it actually is. In simple terms, nothing will work, everything will go wrong and no one will believe you when you claim that it wasn't your fault. Typically, however, your fortunes will be restored by the usual piece of slippery manoeuvering that the rest of us know has nothing to do with talent or ability. But at least we'll have the satisfaction of knowing that comes later so you'll still have to squirm for a while.
The FULL MOON falls on June 6th in the sign of Sagittarius, with Lady Moon having just conjoined with underworld Pluto, sending partnership matters flaring into an ugly struggle for control that may involve philosophy and persons of foreign extraction. Your partner (for this week anyway) becomes so enraged with your inattention that she/he (being part Italian) hurls the complete works of Spinoza (you bought it at uni but haven't read it) across the room at you.
With Mercury the messenger retrograde and opposing retrograde Mars, this weighty volume of human thought strikes you (ironically enough) on the head, shaking loose a crown and causing you to (quite unintentionally) throw a scalding cup of coffee back in her/his direction. With Venus also moving into Taurus and your solar twelfth house on this day, you retire in distress to your bedroom and begin an eating binge that would put a Taurus or a Cancer to shame.
When Jupiter opposes Mars on June 14th, your now ex-partner threatens legal action from her/his bed in the burns unit. The next day with Sun conjoining Jupiter you get your lawyer (also an ex-partner) and your dentist (also an ex-partner) to cook up a counter suit involving a fictitious bill for replacing the lower crown (Venus in Taurus squaring Neptune). That's followed by a visit to your therapist (Sol Invicti and Mercury opposing Chiron) to rack up a bill for trauma counselling, claiming shock and distress because she/he used Spinoza and not the Abba gold anthology of song lyrics. You also consult the police about assault charges.
A successful litigation on June 18th is followed the great Sol Invicti's move into Cancer and your solar second house, bringing a NEW MOON and a solar eclipse on June 21st. This is the part where the lawyer, dentist and therapist all send you their bills, cutting your damages payout considerably. However, at least it ends your eating binge.
When Mercury the messenger goes direct, the CEO at work offers you a piece of the new online dating service he's launching if you've got the capital to buy in. You use the balance of the cash from the payout and, as Venus squares revolutionary Uranus, you start thinking about the possible links here with the employment service for the elderly and experienced worker that you started last month. Have any of them found jobs yet? Lazy sods! Why don't they get on with it! Do you have to do everything for them! Anyway, when they do start work, they might also start looking for a date to spend their wages on. Good luck, two faces! You've pulled it off again, haven't you!
Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes