Hola and hooray, little mindless airhead nitwits! Last month, you were well and truly engaged in a re-enactment of the Tragical History of Dr. Faustus. Faustus was a sixteenth century scholar and necromancer of Germanic origins who sold his soul to the devil, immortalized in the works of Christopher Marlowe and Goethe among others. This fact is for the benefit of those of you who believe the only function left to literature in the modern era is to use a book to prop up a cabinet that has a missing leg. And, as did the Faustus of myth and legend, so too did you trade your immortal soul for twenty-four years of pleasure and earthly power.
We left you enjoying same as a transvestite entertainer in Copenhagen, employed by a Mephistophelean figure who had turned out, unsurprisingly, to be Mephistopheles. Thus you were chafing on a long but nonetheless fixed leash held by a demon. Sounds par for the course in a benighted universe ruled by insane gods!
So, what do the vile and bitter prognostications hold for joyless July? Well, I’ll tell you. A Full Moon comes in tragic Capricorn and your solar eighth house and we find you steeping yourself in all the pleasures, erotic and exotic, that you can lay your dexterous little hands upon. But somehow, little air sign addlepates, it feels hollow and empty, as though you’re simply going through the motions (and what motions they are, little nitwits!). Marauding Mars clashes with idiot Uranus while mischievous Mercury enters Leo and you distinguish yourself with impersonations so convincing, your audience rises to its collective feet and applauds you as if you were someone else. Think about that for a moment!
But somehow, again, all seems hollow and empty. The great Sol Invicti conjoins in unseemly fashion with miserable Saturn (ugh!) and elderly financiers of a depressing type inform you that you now have so much money, you won’t have to worry for the next twenty-four years. But, as you may have guessed, somehow, all feels hollow and empty. Mercury and Mars wrestle in the Heavens with nasty Neptune and you travel the world, visiting war zones, taking extraordinary risks as you entertain troops in occupied regions. Shells burst around you, trained fighting men and women soil themselves whilst admiring your courage but no thrill of danger or fear touches you, as your life is under gilt-edged protection, for the moment.
The New Moon comes in neurotic Cancer and you decide to be a noted philanthropist and give away your massive fortune in a ‘caring and sharing’ manner to those who truly need your help. A raft of ghastly planets cavort in unseemly aspect and so you do, but kindness seems to move you no more than any danger, despite the massive numbers of the poor who are prepared to trade sexual favours for money. What will you do, my little two-faced persons? Life normally has no meaning for you, but not in this peculiar fashion! You have everything and yet you’re bored. And, the seconds tick inexorably away. Lente, lente, currite noctis equi!
But the horses of the night run like no creature I’ve ever put money on. Tragic Saturn and jolly Jupiter grind inexorably towards a clash with underworld Pluto and you feel you’re losing your mind as the very image of Mephistopheles haunts your sleep and dreams. Mischievous Mercury moves into Virgo and you begin to wander about your home, talking to yourself in a distracted manner. And then, a loathsome Full Moon comes, a blue moon, in lunatic Aquarius and you realize you’ve sold your immortal soul and must go to hell! The intervening time means nothing at all!
Ye gods, little twerps! What will you do? Why, of course, you’ll have to get on with on-selling the contract, for your own peace of mind, if nothing else. And you’ll have to do it right now! Click here next month as you begin to audition the suckers!