Greetings, little air sign lunatics! Welcome to savage September! Last time, we left you locked in a lavatory with a demon, one Odiferous Pigswill by name. You had conjured this slavering embodiment of the dark forces to free yourself from a contract with Lucifer, a classic agreement that gave you all you wanted in the way of pleasure, power and riches for four and twenty years in return for your immortal soul.
Thus, having enjoyed yourself for a few months, you decided to worm your way out of the deal, due to boredom, general malaise and the fear of eternal damnation. This last involved, if I remember aright, a matter of pitchforks, bottoms and the profusion of unholy fumes. So, you conceived a clever strategy. You would use magic against magic to break bonds made in blood and re-cross the very Rubicon that had been your most recent aquatic achievement. That's the story so far! Exhausting isn't it! Like everything you do! Now, the question arises! Can you, my little airhead twits, master the force you have awakened! Why let us consult with the vile and bitter prognostications for savage September and discover the answer.
As the messenger planet is still retrograde in Leo and your solar third house at the beginning of the month, you find yourself tongue-tied at first, and performing a strange saltatious dance to avoid the stream of maggots fallen from the demon's hair. 'Perhaps,' intones your pet demon, 'I should adopt a more comely presence in order not to be displeasing to master!' As mischievous Mercury now moves forward again, you nod vigorously. Vamping Venus enters Leo and Odiferous Pigswill transforms to a ravishing youth of astonishing beauty, and entirely free of maggots what's more. You're struck dumb once again but this time for different reasons. Marauding Mars grapples with underworld Pluto and you find your body is pulsing with almost uncontrollable desire.
This demon has a hold on you, little air sign twits and no spell has yet been cast! What will happen now? Great gods alive and dead, it's all so exciting! The great Sol Invicti conjoins in unseemly fashion with marauding Mars, filling the air with rampant power. Slowly, inexorably, the New Moon comes in anal Virgo, twisting the seductive threads of her lunatic glow amongst the raft of unspeakable planets.
By my little brown bottle, my nitwit ninnies! You're in love with a demon! Even my sainted aunt would not have thought it of you. Your fourth and seventh houses are vibrating with a disgusting display of unseemly urges! Mischievous Mercury clashes with idiot Uranus and this new object of your affections explains to you that if you wish to break a contract with Hell, the only way to do it is become part of the infernal domain by having congress with a demon.
Is there a moment for rational thought?
Is there a moment for considered reflection on the consequences?
So consumed with lust are you that you leap into a pyrotechnic display of sexual shenanigans the like of which has not been seen since the worst excesses of Babylon and Rome. Vamping Venus clashes with nasty Neptune and you twine around one another, changing costumes, roles and positions, fulfilling you in a manner beyond even your wildest dreams. The Heavens thunder and crash as the great Sol Invicti visits another round of unspeakable horror on the benighted world by entering the odious sign of Libra. Jolly Jupiter follows on! So too does marauding Mars, and life is just one jolly romp for you, swept up by the very devil of a romance. Nothing can hold you back now!
The Full Moon comes in arrogant Aries and you and your demon lover travel the world on wings of fiery passion. The thing missing from all your achievements under the hand of Mephistopheles is present now. You have someone to share it with!
Great gods alive and dead, little twits! Isn't it wonderful! In order to escape from Hell, you've had to marry a demon! Think about that as you wing your way about the world in the grip of this infernal romance. I'll be back to carry on with this drivel next month after I've taken all the analgesics I can find and given every underling within reach a sound thrashing! Until next time! Ta! Ta!