Asperitus Casting Runes...
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My life as a sex slave! What do you think? There's money in it if you can find the right publisher and producer. Greetings, little two-faced travesties! How's everything in the world of double-dealing? Last month you languished in a far land, the victim of an evil but nonetheless entertaining conspiracy executed by a group of pensioners and a ruthless hitman that all were once in your employ. Your person was violated abroad while your property was violated at home. But then, as always happens with you slippery air sign types, the situation was turned around by a quirk of fate based on superficial (your favourite kind) sexual attraction and your willing aptitude for turning any situation to your advantage as quickly as possible.
Now you're the apparently willing bride or bridegroom in a nuptial farce that would turn the stomach of even the most hardened cynic. But, fear not, little two-faces! My stomach is in fine fettle and is, so far, unsickened by any of the fatuous antics you laughingly refer to as your life. Go ahead and be wed to the miserable offspring of some wretched potentate in some ghastly corner of a forgotten part of this ridiculous sphere infested with the virus commonly called humanity. That the name itself (humanity) is synonymous with compassion is just one of those delightful ironies visited upon us by the insane deities that preside in this benighted little solar system at the tinpot end of a diminutive and largely ignored galaxy. Ah well! Now, what was I talking about? Your wretched little lives in the month of odious October! No wonder I'd forgotten! On with it! Let us address the vile and bitter prognostications as wrought by the pasha of pain, Asperitus. That's myself, in case you'd forgotten.
As the month begins, Venus the goddess wrestles with underworld Pluto, making tension with mystic Neptune as she does so. This astrological formation describes your fatuous and sickening marriage to a T. However, as Mercury the messenger then turns retrograde in Libra and your solar fifth house while the FULL MOON comes in Aries and your solar eleventh house, little goes according to the plan you have so cleverly hatched. Now married, as Venus the goddess squares sober Saturn, you find yourself with the care of a clutch of children and elderly relatives that are part of the retinue of your new spouse. And, with the great Sol Invicti making mayhem with giant Jupiter, your stocks at home plummet to an all time low as you are now bereft of any worldly wealth. Through a series of astrological tensions it is far too tiresome to describe in any detail, banks and credit agencies move to track you down while several casinos close your accounts and jointly send out their largest and most violent collection agents. Could anything worse transpire? We can only hope so.
As Venus the goddess moves into Libra and the NEW MOON comes in same sign, we find you immersed in your new duties and hating every moment of it. You're forced to play foolish games with the children and still provide sexual congress for the elderly, whatever their sex. All that wrinkled skin again. Though everything's changed, nothing changes! Learn that lesson, two-faces, or prepare to pay an even more hideous price than geriatric sex and infantile games. As the retrograde messenger squares giant Jupiter, a moment's inattention whilst in a pleasure craft on the artificial lake sees a boating mishap of the first water that manages to drown half the retinue. Of course you are responsible but lie about it and shift the blame, a thing you've spent most of your life doing successfully. However, this time no one believes you and, as the great Sol Invicti moves into Scorpio and Mercury turns direct, you're set to work doing menial tasks for your criminal inattention on the lake. But what's this? Mighty Mars the warrior is moving into Aquarius and your solar ninth house, heading for a conjunction with mystic Neptune. What will happen next? Click here next month and see, little vacuous air sign chatterboxes.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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