Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, O things of mighty mien and mighty mane! Do you still need a tour bus to get you and your ego around the place or have you gone international and graduated to the world of container shipping? There's something of the mystery of the Trinity about you, really, isn't there, little lions? Just you, your hair and your ego, three and yet one, whole and indivisible, that's the mystery of you.
Oh well! Enough of this light-hearted banter! Let us proceed with the vile and bitter prognostications for the month of jaded January. Shake and tremble in your lion type shoes, little overgrown felines. For I, Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth will now favour you with some nasty words and nastier sentiments with regard to the nasty prospect of your nasty little future.
Overall, things are going well as the great Sol Invicti and Venus the goddess oppose giant Jupiter at the opening to yet another dreary year in the calendars of this benighted world. You're getting the adulation you're paying for and the brothel is actually doing quite well as a business concern. However, change is in the wind, little lions, as you're about to find out. Mercury the messenger moves into the sign of Aquarius and your solar seventh house of partnership, heading for a meeting with mystic Neptune. You find yourself talking intimately with one of the staff members in you're newly acquired business, but it's a little more than business that seems to be happening. Romance is in the air for the pussy people! As the great Sol Invicti and Venus the goddess conjoin in the sign of Capricorn and your solar sixth house, you find the interests of love and work come together.
Then, when the NEW MOON comes in Capricorn, you cement this burgeoning relationship by assigning additional tasks and responsibilities to your newfound confidante, giving them a knowing smile as you do because they're some of your own favourite tasks. And, there's nothing that the Lion likes more than handing out favours, even if the process is entirely self-serving. But, the wind of favouritism carries a sour smell for the other workers in this new enterprise of yours, and a wind that smells sour blows ill for all.
As mighty Mars wrestles with the Lunar Nodes, grumblings and mutterings fill the air (along with the sour wind). Also, some of your children come round to visit to see if they can take advantage of the services for free. Just as you're finished giving your progeny short shrift, Mercury the messenger turns retrograde and you and your new love interest get your wires crossed. Arguments fill the air and thus does this blossoming love seem to be nipped in the bud! As mighty Mars moves into Aries and your solar ninth house, you spend your time fighting with the in-laws over the recent breakup of your marriage and exercising frantically in order to burn off the frustration of thwarted desire. Of course, frantic exercise for you means turning the pages of your own newspaper, not using the remote control to change channels and knocking smaller, weaker people out of your way as you go down the street.
However, come the FULL MOON in your sign opposing a raft of irritating planets in Aquarius and your solar seventh house, your differences with the apple of your eye clear up through a miraculous series of revelations that are far too tedious to recount. Thus, you're in love again and decide to get married. Given that you're still not divorced from your previous partner, another marriage could prove tricky. But, with retrograde Mercury conjunct mystic Neptune and Venus the goddess, you just decide to lie about it and hope no one will find out. Will this exceptionally clever strategy work? Or are you headed for yet another pratfall from grace. Time will tell, little lions! Click here next month to find out.
TIP FOR 2002: In May as sober Saturn opposes underworld Pluto for the last time, one of your children (the one with the compulsive condition) forms a relationship with an elderly political figure with a reserved disposition and thus ends up on the government advisory board that closes your brothel. Then, when giant Jupiter moves into your sign in August, you this shame behind you by eating too much, drinking too much and laughing really loudly at all your own jokes. Kindly email me if anyone spots the change.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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