Asperitus Casting Runes...
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I salute you, cretinous hairdressing types! May the height of your coif be a match for the dimension of your monstrous ego! Now, last month was a bitter and tragic affair, as your desires ran rampant and your appetites spiralled out of control. This month will only be worse, so let us step down the road of the loathsome prognostications for miserable March, for I am Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth!
A New Moon comes in tear-stained Pisces and your solar eighth house so you will doubtless be spending money as if there's no tomorrow (who knows! There may not be!) and visiting brothels when you can't get enough sex at home. Mercury the messenger conjoins with revolutionary Uranus in your solar seventh house, causing you to argue with partners and associates over your bad habits. Mighty Mars moves into Capricorn and your solar sixth house of work and health, so you'll fight with co-workers and contract a genital infection. Venus the goddess moves into Aquarius and you fill up your home with assorted lovers and eccentrics to entertain yourself. But, great heavens, little Lions! What's this? Revolutionary Uranus moves into Pisces and you decide you're weary of life and want to retire from the world. The great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger clash with underworld Pluto and sober Saturn while Venus the goddess conjoins with mystic Neptune. You stop talking about yourself, put aside all your dreams and take the robes for a monastic existence.
Come the Full Moon in Virgo and your solar second house, you liquidate all your assets to pay your accumulated debt, thus ridding yourself of all material attachments. What a laudable aim, little cretins! As the great Sol Invicti and Mercury the messenger move into Aries and your solar ninth house, you travel to a desert country to live a chaste existence in the wild, listening only to the song of wind and sand. I give it two minutes and a glance in a mirror before you're screaming with boredom and bitter regret. But who knows, little hairdressing types, it might be as many as five. Click here next month and see!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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