Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, little lunatics of might and mane! I hope your tresses are falling on your limpid brow in that fetching manner you believe (in error) makes you look attractive. We left you last month in the liquor trade and newly ensconced with an individual who finds you interesting (we can only assume congenital weak-mindedness on their part). As most of the action this month is in Taurus and your solar tenth house of profession and status, you darling little pussy folk will be advancing your careers as fast as your little paws can carry you. These then are the vile and bitter prognostications for miserable May.
A New Moon comes in odious Taurus, squaring mystic Neptune and mighty Mars. You decide to become a drug baron as well as being a liquor baron. People have called you 'baron' in the past and you rather liked the sound of it, even though it was spelt differently and referred to the contents of your head. You hire all manner of eccentric and deceitful associates, consistent with a square between the great Sol Invicti and mystic Neptune in your solar tenth and seventh houses. As retrograde Mercury clashes with mighty Mars and mystic Neptune, the new partners in crime get out of hand, treating you very roughly, calling you nasty names, having sex with your new partner and messing up your hair.
The Full Moon in brooding Scorpio brings a lunar eclipse to your solar fourth house and these ruffians invade your home. Great heavens, little lions! You're losing control of your life! What will you do? As Mercury the messenger goes direct, squaring giant Jupiter, you threaten to set the law on these lawless folk. They only laugh however, informing you that, as you're now a drug baron, the law is the last recourse you can use.
When the great Sol Invicti moves into Gemini and your solar eleventh house, squaring revolutionary Uranus, you log onto the Internet and discover a site that allows you to hire assassins. You employ a pair of twins, killers of the coldest kind, each with distinctive nervous twitches and drink problems, thus saving you using coin of the realm to pay them. As Mercury and Venus meet and clash with mystic Neptune and mighty Mars harmonizes with underworld Pluto, this fearsome pair dispose of your problems and then drink themselves into a near catatonic state. They then demand to have group sex with your partner. You reluctantly consent, because of the guns, and almost enjoy it, except for the fact that you keep finding yourself underneath someone else instead of on top.
The New Moon in Gemini brings an eclipse to your solar eleventh house of friends, hopes and wishes, and thus you decide you've had enough nefarious doings. With giant Jupiter opposing mystic Neptune once again, you set out on yet another of these futile quests to find yourself spiritually. I must rest now! I'm feeling unwell. Until next month, little pussy folk!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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