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    Go Back  The Jittery Journeys of April 2004  Go Forward
    Greetings, odious specimens of might and mane! Welcome to awkward April and the vile and bitter prognostications that pertain thereto!

    The Heavens have accorded you a strange and magnificent power, little leonine twerps! A power we shall call ‘the Power’. When you use the Power, people come under your power. It seems simple enough so far, does it not? Even for you! But what happens when you turn the Power on yourself? For that’s where we left you last time, standing before the mirror (a favoured position), staring deep into your own magnetic eyes and thus bringing the Power to bear on your fragile, yet extravagant, personality.

    You stand there, gazing fixedly. Mischievous Mercury enters cloddish Taurus and petty officials and authoritative persons attempt to interrupt your rapt attention over minor matters such as meter readings and parking fines. You hear them not. Vamping Venus moves into Gemini and friends try to distract you from your trance. You see them not. A Full Moon comes into fatuous Libra as marauding Mars and Jupiter wrestle in the Heavens. Thus, all manner of talk assails your ears. You heed it not, so fixed are you upon the Power that you see roiling and simmering in the depths of your being.

    As vamping Venus clashes with revolutionary Uranus, your friends (both of them) are so worried they call in the services of a psychiatrist. Her/his futile effort to release you from your trance is followed by those of a stream of spiritual healers, foreign ecstatics and demented mystics, all of which are equally unsuccessful. This development is due to the unspeakable influence of cranky Chiron, the great Sol Invicti and mischievous Mercury.

    The New Moon then comes in arrogant Aries, bringing a solar eclipse to your solar ninth house. As if by some mysterious cosmic command, your belief in god and all that is good or evil vanishes from your mind as you come to believe only in the Power and yourself as its possessor. As the great Sol Invicti enters cloddish Taurus, you call up the Will (the one that goes with the Power) from deep within you and summon all those who know you to the mirror so that they too can see the Power as you do.

    Soon, half the world stands at your side. Well, that’s two friends, an exhausted psychiatrist, two spiritual healers, three foreign ecstatics and what may be either two demented mystics or one with a split personality! Add to this several family members conscious of their inheritance and a passing stranger who was walking his pussy.

    Great gods alive and dead, little leonine nitwits! This could be the beginnings of a cult! The cult of the Power, possessed by you! Click here next month and see if the Power can bring you the godlike status to which you have always aspired. Oh, and by the way, April fool!

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