Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Ho to the Lions! So, you've returned for yet another dose of my vile and bitter prognostications as we approach the scourge of September! How are the humility lessons going, you overgrown feline nonentities? Have you learned to even spell the word without recourse to a dictionary or the advice of someone wiser than yourselves? Please note that this last category includes almost everyone else (except those wretched Pisceans) as well as a variety of farm animals and fast-growing shrubs. The scourge of September will bring an interesting diet of experience to you tiresome little catty things and thus I shall begin my catalogue (NB this is a pun) of the vile and bitter as promised earlier. Why waste time when the world is full of insufferable egos like yours just begging to be insulted and taken down a peg or two? Roll on the scourge! Asperitus is here!
As the month gets underway, Venus the goddess is cavorting unashamedly in your sign, causing you to smile in that fatuous way you think is so attractive to persons of the opposite sex. But with Venus the goddess in opposition to mystic Neptune, your partner may be smiling in an equally artificial way or having an affair or using your credit card without your knowledge or perhaps all three of these. Added to this, Mercury the messenger is in Libra and your solar third house, causing you to talk incessantly in that strange combination of the overbearing and the ingratiating that only the true Lion seems to have mastered.
When the FULL MOON comes in Pisces and your solar eighth house, you realize that after last month's purchase of the cruise line and your partner's current spending on her/his secret lover, you're as close to bankrupt as you can be without actually being it. From September 4th, the great Sol Invicti tussles with underworld Pluto and sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, threatening your dreams of success with financial ruin and bringing further loss of friends because they've started making fun of your fatuous smile as well as your hair.
When mighty Mars moves into Capricorn and your sixth house on September 8th, you're forced to take action and do some real work to earn some much needed money. Que'l horreur! What will happen to your hair? How will you be able to keep smiling? What will everyone say? But with giant Jupiter, monarch of the Heavens wrestling with Mercury the messenger, you decide to lie to your business connections and siblings, claiming you're only demeaning yourself like this to help others out and you have no real need of the money at all.
In the mid month, giant Jupiter creates cosmic mayhem with underworld Pluto, stirring up trouble in your solar twelfth and fifth houses. You find your children have joined a religious cult whose leader has prophesied the end of the world by tidal wave. And, with Venus the goddess in your sign clashing with revolutionary Uranus in your solar seventh house, your partner decides to make public her/his secret affair and leave you.
When the NEW MOON comes on September 17th in Virgo and your solar second house, you take a job as the shipboard purser on your own cruise line (anonymously of course). However, come the EQUINOX on September 22nd, as the great Sol Invicti moves into Libra and your solar third house, you discover that several friends, a few associates from work and two of your neighbours are actually on the cruise. Since you're so easy to recognize because of the fatuous smile (Venus the goddess is still in your sign) and your ludicrous hairstyle and colouring, you're unable to hide from their penetrating gaze. You're forced to fob them off with a silly story about how, as the owner of a cruise line, you're doing a 'back to the factory floor' exercise to see how things are running. Remarkably, they believe you and all their sniggering is simply due to their scorn for your coiffure. But tragedy awaits you, hideous lion creatures, as your flimsy charade is set to come down like a house of cards next month. Come back here then to find out your ghastly fate!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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