Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Ho to the roaring boys and girls of the Zodiac Belt! Ho to the fatuous vanities of the manic mane and the rampant ego! Your lives have been pathetic for some time now so I, Asperitus, the oracle of bitter truth will invent new ones for you. You will be cast in the leading role and get to wear the most glamorous costume, suits for the girls and frocks for the boys as befits the pathetic fate of those undergoing a multiple transit of revolutionary Uranus and mystic Neptune in the ridiculous sign of Aquarius.
You will play out the great dramas of passion, pleasure and creative endeavour as almost all of the tedious bodies in the odious solar system will be moving through the irritating sign of Sagittarius and your solar fifth house at some time or another this month. Such glorious adventures will be followed inevitably by eruptions of deceit, betrayal and death due to excessive lust and depravity, thus bringing about your tragic decline. Ye gods! This is beginning to sound like you old life, only far more exciting. Oh well! Perhaps what everyone says about you is true and you’ll just never change, being denizens of the fixed sign category. Does any of this matter? Not in my world, little coiffured nonentities, but welcome to deleterious December anyway.
A FULL MOON in vacuous Gemini begins the month and no doubt sends you into simpering ecstasy as you hobnob with all of your tedious friends and brag about how wonderfully tragic your life is. As Venus the goddess moves into Sagittarius and your solar fifth house, you go to parties all the time or hold them at your new flat, wearing the extravagant garb of some foreign culture and bragging about how wonderfully tragic your life is. As Mercury the messenger conjoins with the great Sol Invicti, you decide to make a film about your life.
But as sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, opposes the meeting of these two, most of your friends leave the party or begin talking in a foreign language every time you come near them. Great Heavens! Perhaps these people aren’t really your friends! As Mercury the messenger and the great Sol Invicti then conjoin with underworld Pluto, you are struck by a startling insight. These people (your friends) are not actually the sycophantic toadies and crawlers you need in your life. They’re real people with individual thoughts and opinions! Yikes, what will you do!
As mighty Mars moves into Pisces and your solar eighth house, you go to a local house of ill-repute where you can at least purchase the requisite amount of mindless adulation you need to get through the day. As Venus the goddess then opposes sober Saturn, you decide to dump all of your friends, sell the cruise line you’ve recently purchased and put all the money into making the film of your wonderfully tragic life. However, Chiron, the wounded healer, moves into Capricorn and your solar sixth house, whereupon you’re infected with some poultry-related disease inherited from your grandparents and have to hire nurses instead of prostitutes to look after you.
Thus, come the NEW MOON and solar eclipse in Sagittarius, you have to put the film on hold because of your health. But, as Venus the goddess is now conjoining with underworld Pluto, you fall in love with one of your nurses. Come the entrance of Mercury the messenger into Capricorn and the Solstice, you decide to give up the arts in general and the film of your wonderfully tragic life and go into the healing profession with the newfound love of your life. However, when it’s explained to you that this means you’ll have to actually look after people, washing their sheets and emptying their bedpans, you give up the idea. When mighty Mars the warrior in Pisces and your solar eighth house wrestles with underworld Pluto, you decide to use the money from the sale of the cruise line to purchase a brothel. That way you can have adulation (in one form or another) on tap for the rest of your days. Have a laid back Christmas, little lions. Things never change and neither do you.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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