Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, little cretinous victims of fashion! I trust the sacred buttocks are shiny, well-shaped and stylishly clothed! No doubt your glass is full, your head is empty and your future is resonant with the inane possibilities that seem to fascinate you so! Having thrown off the garb of your newfound religious urges at the end of last month, you return to the obsessive pursuit of the ghastly notion of the miniseries that will tell the story of your tragic and ill-fated life.
As fatuous February commences, there is a raft of heavenly bodies in the odious sign of Aquarius. Thus, you decide to hold a marvellous party, inviting all your idiot friends. Here you will recite a dramatic monologue of your trials and tribulations that will soon become the basis for your script. As giant Jupiter and Chiron the wounded healer wrestle in the cosmos, your find yourself dwelling upon the hideous cruelties inflicted on you in childhood by parents and teachers alike as they criticized the decadent clothing and ridiculous hairstyles for which you had (and still have) an infantile penchant. This catalogue of human misery will, you decide, be the basis of the evening's entertainment.
Venus the goddess in Aquarius conjoining with revolutionary Uranus sets the date for this underwhelming gathering of the overdressed, and a sparkling and glamorous affair it is. However, as Mercury the messenger is by this time retrograde in Capricorn and your solar fourth house, several destitute siblings and a few elderly neighbours that once lived near your childhood home are unwittingly invited. Thus, as you begin your tirade at the peak of the festivities, there are disturbing mutterings amongst a crowd of otherwise brainless onlookers. Great Heavens, little buttocks-keepers! Could it be that no one likes what you're doing? That your deathless prose is falling upon unappreciative ears? Little do you know that at this time the two-faced messenger and sober Saturn are now starting to move forwards in the Heavens. The ruckus grows accordingly. Thus, your own bold assertions as to your suffering and misery are countered by that most hideous of weapons ever placed in human hands, the truth! Needless to say, the party ends in disaster with you weeping and screaming aloud while all your idiot friends (at least, those of them who have kept abreast of what's going on) laugh at your tragic tale as if it's actually a tapestry of lies based on neurotic conceit.
As the NEW MOON comes in the sign of Aquarius and Venus the goddess moves into Pisces and your solar sixth house, you decide to take a new path in life, as you're unable to bear yet another round of public humiliation. You decide that you will fall victim to a serious wasting disease where ennui and fatigue will be your sole companions. You take to your bed and send everyone away. As Mercury the messenger then moves back into Aquarius, you decide to write from your sickbed the tale of your debilitating illness. However, as Venus the goddess then makes tension with sober Saturn, you find yourself plagued by elderly in-laws from a previous marriage, demanding retribution for your profligate and irresponsible behaviour. In addition to that, the great Sol Invicti moves into Pisces and your solar sixth house, turning your feigned illness into a genuine condition of ill-health. As the messenger conjoins with mystic Neptune, you lapse into a swoon, dreaming strange dreams and fantasizing about magical garments and beautiful hairstyles that make you look years younger. Representatives of the medical profession are called and a nurse is engaged to lift the cups of medicine to your lips that your own arms no longer have the strength to raise.
As the great Sol Invicti squares sober Saturn, lord of fateful reward, while waxing to wrestle with a FULL MOON in the sign of Virgo and your solar twelfth house, you become convinced that you are soon to die and must come face to face with your maker. Egad, little buttocks-keepers! As your swoon in unconsciousness while Chiron the wounded healer makes tension with sober Saturn, a vision comes to your bleary eye. Is this god or the devil that has come for you? And, by the by, you also notice that the nurse in charge of you is a creature of almost mystic beauty. Perhaps love will yet tear you from the arms of death. I can only hope this is not the case. However, just click here next month and see how much more of your idiot antics we have to still endure.
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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