Asperitus Casting Runes...
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Greetings, beauty parlour victims! How is the delicate line dividing your sacred buttocks, one from the other? Clean, sweet-smelling and well-presented, I trust! Now to the business of the vile and bitter prognostications for fatuous February! Let us begin! The New Moon comes in idiotic Aquarius and your solar fifth house, so you'll either become the parent of an eccentric child or conceive a new creative project of imbecilic proportion. As mighty Mars favorably aspects Lady Moon, your father will buy you a new car but demand you move back home to look after him. As Venus the goddess stumbles through odious Capricorn and your solar fourth house, you'll discover that domestic responsibilities interfere with the beautiful life you seek to live. So, as mighty Mars conjoins with underworld Pluto in Sagittarius and your solar third house, you smash the car in an effort to annoy your father sufficiently to have him eject you from the family home.
Come the Full Moon in Leo and your solar eleventh house, you invite all of your nitwit friends home to a party to annoy him further. However, your father dresses up even more absurdly than your friends do and joins in the festivities. As mighty Mars opposes sober Saturn, you find you're in legal trouble over the recent car crash. As Mercury the messenger conjoins with mystic Neptune, you tell lies about having a fatal illness to avoid legal action. But, as the great Sol Invicti moves into Pisces and your solar sixth house, a drug-addicted but highly psychic policeman comes to visit you and threatens to reveal all unless you consent to have a secret affair. Trembling with a morbid but strangely exciting anticipation, you agree. Click here next month and see what happens, little buttocks types!
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Aries, the Ram
Taurus, the Bull
Gemini, the Twins
Cancer, the Crab
Leo, the Lion
Virgo, the Virgin
Libra, the Scales
Scorpio, the Scorpion
Sagittarius, the Archer
Capricorn, the Sea Goat
Aquarius, the Water Bearer
Pisces, the Fishes
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